Forever Danna
by RedSand
Summary: /Sequal to Good Night Danna/ One time is all it takes, but what could a puppet like Sasori and someone as young as Deidara know about what would effect the rest of their lives? character death, Sasodei, Kakuhi, ZetKonan, Kisaita, OCxTobi, MPreg, D-O-N-E!
1. Chapter 1

**Sasori slowly got out of bed, happier than he usually is in the morning (wouldn't you be after hot sex with Deidara?) but surprised when Deidara wasn't there next to him.**

"**Dei?" He called out, when he couldn't see the blond anywhere in the room.**

**It suddenly donned on him what could be happening – Dei ran out on him after one time, he was off bragging, he left because he didn't like the sex, or he was bringing him breakfast. Damn, did he hope it was breakfast.**

'**Wait,' He thought to himself, looking at the semi-open door leading to the bathroom, 'Did I leave the light on?'**

**He got up to see what the disturbance was, to find Deidara hunched over the toilet.**

"**Dei? Are you alright?" He said, kneeling down and holding his hair back as Deidara started retching.**

"**I'm fine danna..." He said with a fake smile, as he vomited again.**

"**Well I thought I was alright." Sasori said, smirking, his little joke getting a giggle from his lover.**

"**Oh, you were better than alright danna, I probably just got some kind of indigestion. Last night before the, you-know-what I think I ate some bad oysters or something." He said, putting on a smile for his relieved danna.**

"**Good, I was starting to think you were pregnant or something." Sasori said, smiling.**

"**Yeah, that'd be fucked up!" Deidara said laughing.**

**The two walked down to go to breakfast, and announce their new relationship. Luckily, everyone was there following they're normal routine, Hidan and Kakuzu arguing, Itachi and Kisame, well best I not go into detail what they were doing, and Tobi annoying everyone with his mentally challenged ways. Kakuzu was the first to look at the two, and inform everyone with their new relationship.**

"**Sasori and Deidara's gay." He said, going back to his argument with Hidan.**

**Hidan was ready to forget the argument, and go to making fun of the blond.**

"**Ha! You fucked the puppet!" He laughed out, Kakuzu kind-of chuckling and nobody else (besides Tobi, who went crazy) doing nothing but nodding.**

"**A little less than we would of done it, **_**Kak**_**uzu." Deidara said, shooting a death stare at the walking pile of string.**

**Sasori merely looked confused, before staring at Hidan and getting the blond more agitated.**

"**What do you mean, 'fucked the puppet'?" He said, watching the smile on Hidan's face grow until it nearly ripped his face in half.**

"**You mean Sasori fucked **_**YOU**_**!!" Hidan said, falling on the ground laughing, causing Kakuzu to roll his eyes.**

**Deidara's eyes lit on fire, as he reached to get some of his clay, but suddenly feeling sick again. Pein suddenly looked **_**very**_** nervous, as he tried to hide himself in his book.**

"**What's the matter Deidara-senpai?" Tobi said, finally calming down after he saw him hurting.**

"**If you must know, my stomach's been hurting since this morning." He said, leaving to go to the bathroom.**

"**Tobi," Sasori said, staring at the nervous Pein, "Go hold Senpai's hair back." **

"**Yes Sasori-san!" He said, running after him.**

"**Pein, what is wrong with Deidara?" Sasori asked, anger in his voicing.**

**Sensing his hostility, most people left the dining room, all but Pein and Konan.**

"**Now Pein, I, uh, I mean **_**we**_**," He said, grabbing his blue haired partner, "Meant to tell you... eventually..."**

"**Tell me what?" He said, getting onto the table and walking to the other end, squatting in front of the two Ame nin.**

"**Well, back when we first got this place, we learned that there's some odd chakra flow in... yours and Deidara's room..." He said, scooting him and a just-as-scared Konan back from the murderous puppet.**

"**And what does that mean." Sasori said, an eerie calmness in his voice, bring Pein and Konan to near pee pants levels of terror.**

"**It has the ability...to...make men...pregnant." Pein said, trying to hide from the short scary puppet man.**

**Sasori, for some odd reason, looked relieved before he leant over to the two nin.**

"**Pein, you had better thank every god you can come up with I don't rip every piercing off of you and jam them up your dick." Sasori said, jumping off the table, and going in the direction of the bathroom.**

"**Konan?" Pein said, scared to move yet.**

"**Y-Yes Pein?" Konan replied, in the same frightened position.**

"**I pissed myself." He said.**

"**So did I" She replied.**


	2. Chapter 2

_**a/n – for a scene changing thing I'm gonna use #**_

**Sasori left the Akatsuki leader and his partner with full knowledge of what's gonna happen to them should something like this ever happen again. Now came the hard part. How do you tell the guy you just started dating he's pregnant? Sasori walked out of the dining room, into the hallway containing the bathroom. He was in time to see Tobi helping Deidara out, though Deidara was just as happy as he was before to see him.**

"**Hey danna!" Deidara said, pushing Tobi away and walking over to Sasori.**

"**Dei, I have to tell you something... Something we have to talk about in private." Sasori said, helping Deidara down the hallway back to their room.**

**#**

"**Konan?" Pein asked, as the two walked away from the dining room.**

"**Yeah?" Konan replied, still shaken up from what Sasori did.**

"**If Sasori was that mad, what do you think Deidara's gonna do?" Pein asked, following Sasori's advice and praying to every deity that he could think of.**

**#**

"**I'M WHAT!!" Deidara screamed, falling into Sasori's arms crying.**

"**Pein said there's some kind of chakra flow in our room that can make men pregnant." Sasori calmly replied.**

**Deidara's grip on Sasori's shoulders suddenly grew tighter, as the sculptor looked up at the puppet with death in his eyes.**

"**I'm gonna stuff clay into every orifice in his body then laugh when he explodes into a million pieces!! Then I'm gonna rip that blue haired bitch in half, have Kakuzu sew her back, then do it again!!" Deidara screamed, falling back into Sasori's arms crying.**

"**Calm down Dei, I had a little talk with them earlier, there's nothing for you to worry about." Sasori said, running his hand up and down his back.**

"**Danna, are we still together?" Deidara asked, his eyes full of tears.**

"**Dei, I would never leave you, especially now that you're pregnant." Sasori said, smiling.**

"**Damn, how am I even gonna, you know, have it?" Deidara asked, getting over his expression of grief.**

"**We'll probably have to give you a C-Section or something." Sasori said. Next to Kakuzu, Sasori was the closest thing to a medic-nin.**

"**Will it hurt?" Deidara asked.**

"**Uh... Maybe, we might knock you out first." Sasori answered.**

**#**

"**So why do you think Sasori was so pissed?" Hidan asked his partner.**

"**Well, Deidara was hurting, and Pein obviously knew something about it." Kakuzu replied. "Why do you wanna know so bad?"**

"**Dunno, I mean, is Pein gay?" Hidan asked.**

"**He's the only one with a female partner, why would he be gay?" Kakuzu asked.**

"**Come on, him and Konan are like siblings, I don't really think they fuck." Hidan said, as they reached the corridor containing their room. "I mean, what if Pein did something to Deidara? That'd be just as fucked up has the doll fucking Deidara."**

"**If Sasori found out you called him a doll, There'd be two talking puppets." Kakuzu said, chuckling at his partners annoyance.**

**The two immortals then walked past the slightly ajar door to Sasori and Deidara's room.**

"**Kakuzu, lets spy on them!" Hidan whispered, creeping towards the door.**

"**You know if they catch us, they'll kill me and tear you up, and most likely leave you that way." Kakuzu said, arms crossed walking towards his albino partner.**

"**Then we won't get caught!" Hidan said, looking through the part open door with Kakuzu looming over him.**

"**Well I'm glad that I'm pregnant with you danna." Deidara said.**

"**Holy shit!" Hidan said, trying to restrain his laughter as he crawled away from the door with Kakuzu.**

"**Good fucking Jashin, the blond is pregnant, this is the funniest thing ever!!" Hidan yelled out in between laughter when they got back to their room.**

"**It's not that funny asshole, how would you like being pregnant?" Kakuzu asked.**

"**I'd raise the bastard Jashinist, and maybe not be alone with the right path!" Hidan said, pulling out his rosary.**

"**Don't pull that crap with me Hidan, I'm not converting to Jashinism." Kakuzu said, pulling off his hood/mask and sitting down to count a pile of money.**

**#**

"**Danna, do think we can keep it personal, as long as we can?" Deidara asked, sitting down on the bed.**

"**Sure Dei, no one has to know about your pregnancy until we're ready." Sasori said, sitting down next to him, tossing his arm around Deidara's shoulder.**


	3. Chapter 3

"**Dei, so what if you'll get fat?" Sasori asked his jumpy lover.**

"**What do you mean so what?! Can you even imagine me fat??" Deidara frantically asked.**

"**Please Dei, it's not like I'll love you less if you're fat. Besides, when it's all over with, you'll have stretch marks!" Sasori said.**

"**Danna, stretch marks are supposed to be bad." Deidara reminded the puppet.**

"**Hey, I think stretch marks are sexy!" Sasori said, pouting.**

"**Well then you'll have to wait, I am only two weeks in." Deidara said.**

**#**

"**So when do you think we should tell them?" Sasori whispered to Deidara as the two walked into the dining room for breakfast.**

"**They'll figure it out on their own eventually." Deidara whispered back.**

**One thing was off at breakfast, when The two lovers walked in. Hidan started laughing, with Kakuzu jabbing him in the side trying to make him stop. Itachi was also yelling at Pein, though Kisame was trying to make him stop.**

"**Pein, **_**he**_** got ,uh, you know, why can't Kisame and me?" the Uchiha asked Pein.**

"**Theirs was an accident idiot!" Pein said, trying to hide the talk.**

**Sasori and Deidara took their usual seats, Hidan staring at Deidara and giggling, Kakuzu still trying to make him stop.**

"**What's so damn funny Hidan?" Deidara asked, irritated.**

"**Oh, nothing Mr. mo..." Hidan said, before his head fell off onto the ground, one of Kakuzu's threads in it's place.**

"**Like he was gonna say anything worth saying." Kakuzu calmly said.**

"**Well put, sometimes I wish I could cut off Dei's head and then just stitch it on with nothing wrong with him." Sasori replied, getting a short chuckle from Kakuzu, and a death stare from Deidara.**

"**That's a seme's curse, isn't it?" Kakuzu said, getting a small smile from Sasori.**

**Sasori's goal in life wasn't making friends, hell, he was with Deidara because he tried to kiss him in his sleep, but if Sasori had one friend besides Deidara in the Akatsuki, it was Kakuzu.**

"**Do you and Hidan date?" Sasori asked his stitched up conversation-mate.**

"**Nah, but you never know." Kakuzu said, batting a suggestive eyebrow at the two before getting up to reattach Hidan's head.**

"**Well about fucking time! Do you know how fucking dirty the floor is?!" Hidan's head screamed.**

"**You know it's your turn to clean, right?" The mask wearing bounty hunter said, pissing off the decapitated Hidan. **

"**Danna, you didn't tell them, did you?" Deidara asked as Kakuzu walked off hauling Hidan's head and body.**

"**No, why?" Sasori asked.**

"**Well, I think Hidan knows, and if he knows he's probably told everyone already." Deidara asked worriedly.**

"**Uh, sorry, but everyone knows, Hidan did tell us." Zetsu's light side told them, unintentionally overhearing the conversation.**

"**What??" Deidara said, eyes starting to tear up.**

"**Dei, are you ok?" Sasori asked his apparently sad lover.**

"**Danna, Hidan might of just ruined one of the greatest moments of our lives, I'm gonna blow him into tiny pieces!" Deidara said, suddenly growing angry at the immortal.**

"**Dei, you don't mean that, you're just emotion..." was all Sasori got out before Deidara pushed him and his chair over, making his way to Hidan and Kakuzu's room.**

"**I'm gonna make him wish he could die!" Deidara said to himself, ready to make the immortals existence, well, not very enviable...**

**#**

_**a/n funfact – I listened to the Heywood Banks song "Big Butter Jesus" 4 times while typing this**_**. **


	4. Chapter 4

_**a/n – massive Hidan torture fest, Hidan fangirls beware.**_

**#**

**Deidara angrily walked towards the room the two immortals shared, ready to completely slaughter anything called Hidan then go have a snack.**

**#**

"**Hidan, why do you always have to be an asshole?" Kakuzu asked his partner while counting his moneys.**

"**Dunno, just comes natural!" Hidan replied, flipping through a magazine.**

"**Right, well I'm gonna go get something to eat, since **_**someone**_** made me miss breakfast." Kakuzu said, getting up to leave.**

**Kakuzu got up and walked out of the room, only to see something that couldn't be described by words. It was an heated Deidara, homicidally marching his way towards him.**

'**Oh fuck...' He said, quickly running back into his room.**

"**I thought you was going to breakfast?" Hidan said as the older man rushed in.**

"**Oh, uh, I am, just needed a few things first..." He said, taking rolls of his money and tossing them randomly into his briefcase.**

"**Right, now your safe little ones..." He said to his money as he closed the briefcase and rushed out the door.**

**Sadly for old Kakuzu, he didn't rush fast enough. Deidara was already at the door, and didn't seem to hesitate knocking him over on his way to Hidan. Now he wanted the jolly fuck out, for risk of both him and his money getting blown to tiny pieces. Everyone in the Akatsuki knew, if Deidara was pissed, run for your life and wait two or three days for him to calm down. This rule didn't apply to Hidan, what with immortality and all.**

"**Kakuzu?" Deidara asked as he stared at the still calm Hidan.**

"**Yessir?" Kakuzu squeaked out.**

"**Don't fix Hidan until I tell you to." He said cracking his knuckles as Kakuzu grabbed his briefcase and ran.**

**Hidan lowered his magazine to see the crazed Iwa nin staring at him.**

"**What seems to be the problem Frau Dei?" He asked while smirking.**

**His answer was a well thrown bomb to his bed, completely decimating it and throwing Hidan against the wall.**

"**Well hot damn! What the fuck did I do?" Hidan asked.**

**Once again Deidara figured actions spoke louder than words, walking up to the albino whatever nin and planting his foot on his chest, pinning him to the floor. Hidan looked over, noticing his scythe lying on the floor not to far away from him. He tried to reach for it, only to have Deidara plant his other foot on his hand, grinding it into the floor. **

"**Now what to do with you?" Deidara asked himself, staring at the whimpering immortal under him.**

**Suddenly, a particularly evil smirk appeared on Deidara's face as he reached into his bag, pulling out a lump of damp clay. He slowly molded it into what looked like a tiny spike, then shoved it into Hidan's forehead.**

"**OW!! SON OF A BITCH!!" Hidan yelled as the spike poked at his brain.**

"**What's the matter? I thought you were Jashin's little masochist?" Deidara asked, as he started to make a new one.**

"**I only like self-inflicted pain you dumb bitch! Now get the fuck off me NOW!" He screamed, as Deidara held the new spike.**

"**Hmm, I could, but the my fun would end now wouldn't it?" Deidara asked, thrusting the spike into his leg, pinning it to the ground.**

"**Seriously Deidara! Get the FUCK OFF!" Hidan yelled, as Deidara thrust another spike into Hidan's other leg.**

"**Deidara, come on, seriously!" He said, now begging as another clay spike was driven into his hand now.**

"**Stop whining, your punishment's almost over." Deidara said as he placed his new spike on the ground, and picked up Hidan's scythe.**

"**HEY! NO ONE TOUCHES MY SCYTHE!!" Hidan yelled, trying to break free of the clay spikes.**

"**No one huh? Well I'm sorry, you can have it back!" He said, piercing Hidan's hand through the floor as he picked up the last spike.**

"**Deidara, let's calm, down a second, where are you gonna put that?" Hidan nervously asked, answered by a clay spike to the groin.**

"**SON OF A MOTHER FUCKING BITCH!!" He screamed, as Deidara took joy in watching the immortals member bleed.**

"**And now," Deidara said, backing up towards the door while Hidan squirmed to break free, "For the piece dé résistance!"**

"**Deidara, don't, you can't please don't!!" Hidan screamed as Deidara made the proper hand signs.**

"**Kastu!" He yelled, as the immortal went up in a fiery explosion. **

**#**

**Deidara strutted into his and Sasori's room, Sasori sitting and waiting for him.**

"**Hey there danna!" He said, as Sasori stood there with his arms crossed.**

"**Dei?" Sasori asked him**

"**What? What I do?" He replied.**

"**You completely destroyed Hidan and Kakuzu's room, and nearly burned down the whole lair." He replied, as Deidara sighed and looked down.**

"**I'm sorry danna." Deidara said, looking back up.**

"**I know, but do you know what you might of done to the baby?" Sasori said, as Deidara looked up at him with tears in his eyes.**

"**Oh danna! I'm so sorry!" He said, falling into Sasori's arms again, as he took them to the bed.**

"**It's ok Dei, but no more explosions until we have the baby, ok?" Sasori asked, receiving a slight nod from Deidara.**

"**Good."**


	5. Chapter 5

"**Damned second trimester..." Deidara said, staring at the bulge at his stomach.**

"**Don't worry Dei, you'll be fine." Sasori replied, keeping his eyes on his book.**

"**So is Hidan still pissed at me?" Deidara asked, taking a seat next to his danna.**

"**Probably, they still haven't found his other testicle." Sasori said, getting a giggle out of Deidara.**

"**Serves him right for ruining our moment!" Deidara said, leaning against Sasori.**

**Sasori nodded, still paying attention to his book, annoying Deidara.**

"**Danna, do you still love me?" Deidara asked, watching Sasori lower his book.**

**Sasori, brought Deidara's face up to his and placed a small kiss on his lips.**

"**Yes I still love you, what makes you think otherwise?" Sasori said, a look of apathy across his face.**

"**I dunno, cause I'm fat and moody..." Deidara said, starting to fall into Sasori's lap.**

"**Dei, I don't care that you're moody, plus you're kinda cute chubby." Sasori replied, a little smile forming on his lips.**

"**Really danna?" Deidara asked, cuddling into the puppets lap.**

"**Yeah Dei, especially the chubby part." Sasori replied, rubbing his hand on the blonde's belly.**

**#**

"**Damn blond...Should kill him...Fuckin' puppet too...Kill em' all..." Hidan said, pacing around his and Kakuzu's room.**

"**Still hung up on how he blew you up?" Kakuzu asked, smirking behind his mask.**

"**I've only got one nut dammit!! With my kinda luck a dog ate it or Tobi found it or something!..." He said, taking a seat on the bed.**

"**Maybe you shouldn't of pissed him off." Kakuzu replied, counting his money.**

"**Hey, it's not my fault he's got a little fuck in him, the walking dildo shoulda used a rubber." Hidan said, laying back in the bed.**

"**Why would they? They probably figured they were clean so they didn't need one." Kakuzu said, turning around to face the other immortal.**

"**Damned if I'd ever let some guy fuck me." Hidan said, jumping off the bed.**

"**We'll see about that..." Kakuzu whispered to himself, as Hidan walked out the door.**

**#**

**Sasori and Deidara were out of their room and walking to the kitchen.**

"**Shit danna, What do we have to eat?" Deidara asked, going straight for the fridge.**

"**I don't really eat much Dei, I dunno." Sasori said as Deidara ripped through the fridge.**

**When he got out he was holding armfuls of Vishnu knows what, and dropped them on the counter. Sasori could only watch in horror as Deidara went through each of the little Tupperware containers of food, until each was empty and thrown haphazardly in the sink, and a happy Dei was coming at him. **

"**Come on danna, let's go do something!" The overly happy Deidara said, grabbing his danna and running off with him.**

**#**

"**Dei, why are we going into town?" Sasori asked as his pregnant boyfriend dragged him outside.**

"**Because there's nothing to do here silly!" He replied, reaching into his bag and pulling out some clay.**

"**Dei, what'd I say about explosives?" Sasori asked, getting a pout out of Deidara.**

"**It's not..." Deidara muttered, as Sasori looked over and saw the large clay bird.**

"**Oh yeah, sorry Dei." Sasori said, jumping on the large sculpture.**

"**Funny danna, you usually don't like flying." Deidara said, jumping on in front of him.**

"**Don't feel like arguing today." Sasori said, squatting down on the large bird.**

"**Ok then danna!" Deidara replied, as he commanded the bird to take off.**

**#**

**The two arrived just outside of the small town, which Sasori saw as the time to get off. He quickly jumped off, then looked up and saw Deidara struggling to get off.**

"**Need some help?" Sasori teasingly asked.**

**Deidara made a quick nod, then fell into his danna's arms. Sasori held him up bridal style for a second, before planting a kiss on him and letting him down.**

"**So what did you have in mind for us to do?" Sasori asked, as the two walked into the village.**

"**I don't know, maybe do a little shopping?" Deidara asked, receiving a slight nod from danna.**

**The two walked in the direction of the shops in the village. They walked around, not finding anything they really liked, until they found an art supply store.**

"**Ooh, danna I could use some stuff, let's go here!" A happy Deidara said, dragging Sasori in.**

**The two shopped around for a while, picking up some clay and a few materials Sasori needed for his puppets. Once they were done, Deidara was hungry again.**

"**Come on danna, let's eat!" Deidara said, pulling danna with him over to where a small ramen stand was.**

**The two sat down, as the owner walked up to them.**

"**What'll it be?" He asked, a question Deidara took the liberty of answering.**

"**Get me as much ramen as you have!" Deidara happily squealed.**

"**And for you?" The slightly creeped out owner asked Sasori.**

"**Just tea please..." He said, staring at Deidara.**

"**What danna, is there a stain or something?..." He said, staring down at his cloak.**

**He suddenly felt Sasori's hand under his chin, lifting him up about eye-level with the puppet.**

"**You know how hot you look right now?" He asked, getting a slight blush from the blond.**

**Sasori followed through with a kiss on the blonde's lips, this time lasting longer and Deidara kissing back.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sasori and Deidara arrived back at the Akatsuki lair on the same bird they used to leave, following the same pattern as Sasori caught Deidara on his way down and carried him bridal style inside.**

"**Where the hell have you two been?!" Pein asked, watching as Sasori let Deidara down.**

"**Out, what's it matter?" Sasori asked, further angering the pierced nin.**

"**Did you happen to think I need you around here?!" Pein asked, staring down at the still calm Sasori.**

"**Did **_**you**_** happen to think Dei needs me more, and is about ten times more important to me than you are?" Sasori asked as Pein walked off, muttering things about the puppet and his boyfriend.**

"**Danna, why is Pein so pissed off at us?" Deidara asked, as he and Sasori walked back to their room.**

"**Might have something to do with that talk we had a while ago, but it doesn't matter." Sasori said, putting his arm around Deidara's shoulder.**

**#**

**"Hey, Kakuzu!" Hidan yelled at his partner.**

"**What, I'm busy!" He yelled back.**

"**Come here for a second, I need your help!" The albino yelled back.**

**Kakuzu gave up and walked into the shared bathroom, to find Hidan with his sleeve rolled up and his arm down the toilet.**

"**What," Kakuzu started to ask, chuckling as he squatted down to be level with his partner, "Did Jashin tell you to switch from masochist to plumber?"**

"**Yeah, real fuckin' funny asshole, I dropped my pendant down there, get it out." Hidan said, pulling his arm out.**

"**And why the hell would I do that?" Kakuzu asked, as Hidan pulled his sleeve back down.**

"**Cuz I'll owe you, know come on!" Hidan said, back away from the toilet and his stitched up partner.**

**Kakuzu suddenly thought of the perfect way to make his move on his albino soon-to-be lover, and figured if it meant putting his hand down a toilet it was worth it.**

"**Ok, but you'll owe me." Kakuzu said with a smirk on, as he bent over the toilet and used his threads to stretch his hand down the toilet, until he found his fellow immortal's necklace.**

**He reeled his arm back up, tossing Hidan his rosary as he reconnected his hand.**

"**So what do I have to do?" Hidan asked, carefully drying off his necklace before putting it back on.**

"**Later Hidan, later." Kakuzu said, putting his smirk back on and walking out the door.**

**#**

"**Damn him! Why can't he just accept my orders or listen to me just once?!" Pein yelled at himself and Konan, sitting at the edge of his bed.**

"**You can't really blame him, it is our fault Deidara's pregnant, plus you know he could kill us both if he wanted to." Konan reassured him, placing her hands on his shoulders.**

"**You know what, I'm gonna **_**make**_** him follow my orders, I'll send him and the blonde on some mission somewhere!" Pein said, pouting as Konan started rubbing his shoulders.**

"**But you can't send Deidara, he's pregnant, not to mention if anything happens to him me and you are both dead." Konan said, moving down to rub his back.**

"**Hmm... But I can still send that insubordinate excuse for a mannequin, can't I?" Pein asked, more to himself than to Konan.**

**#**

"**So danna, should we start working on a name?" Deidara asked, playing with some of his clay as Sasori started messing with one of his puppets.**

"**I dunno, boy's name or girl's?" Sasori asked, grabbing a screwdriver and detaching the puppets arm.**

"**Well, I'd kinda like a girl, so how about we work on that first?" Deidara asked, crawling over his danna's shoulder to look at the puppet.**

"**Sounds good to me." Sasori said, as Kakuzu suddenly came through the door.**

"**Sasori, Pein says he has a mission for us." He said, irritating the ex-Suna nin.**

"**Why me?" Sasori asked, getting a shrug from Kakuzu.**

"**Deidara, start working on that name, I'll be back as soon as I can." Sasori said, kissing Deidara on the forehead and walking out with his stitched up colleague.**

**#**

"**Ahh, Sasori and Kakuzu, I've got the details of your mission." Pein said, a wide smirk on his face.**

"**Well hurry up, I've got more important things to do." Sasori said, crossing his arms, Kakuzu doing the same.**

"**I'm a little busy too, Pein-sama."**

"**Then I'll make this quick, You two are going to Kusa to assassinate the leader of the Kahiki clan." Pein said, tossing a folder, containing a few pictures of a guy in a pale green kimono, somewhere in his early thirties with a few guards around him.**

"**And why are we going to kill this guy?" Sasori asked, flipping through the papers in the folder.**

"**Because I said so." Pein said, getting out from behind the desk and walking out.**

"**Damn him, he's just a fucking kid and **_**we're**_** taking orders from him, can you believe it?" Sasori asked Kakuzu, as they walked down the hallway so Sasori could get a few things.**

"**I know, I mean if we wanted to, We'd be the ones running the Akatsuki, not that little fuck." Kakuzu replied, waiting out side the room Sasori entered.**

"**Let's just get it over with." Sasori said, folding up a scroll and pushing it up his sleeve.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sasori and Kakuzu were walking their Kusa to carry out their assassination and head home. Sasori wasn't using Hiruko for this mission, mainly because no matter how awesome (Redsand LOVES Hiruko) he was, he still moved a little slow and Sasori wanted this assignment done especially fast.**

"**So Kakuzu, What were you busy with before our mission?" Sasori said, making small talk to make time pass faster.**

"**Well, I finally found the perfect time to ask Hidan out." Kakuzu replied.**

"**Hmm, good for you, but I'd probably imagine that he'd be into some pretty kinky shit." Sasori said, as they finally reached Kusa.**

**They entered the grass capital relatively easy, no one really bothering them despite the Akatsuki attire they were wearing. They walked around aimlessly for awhile, before they decided to stop and ask for directions.**

"**Um, excuse me, but could you tell me where the Kahiki clan's compound is?" Sasori asked a random city dweller.**

"**Edge of town, next to the bookstore."**

"**Thanks." Both Kakuzu and Sasori replied at once, heading toward the rear of the city.**

**It seemed relatively easy to reach, but now came the hard part. They had to silently sneak in past the guards, reach their target, silently take him out, and just as carefully leave before anyone**

"**Hey, aren't you with the Akatsuki?"**

**The two lost their train of thought on how to invade, and looked over to see one of the guards staring at them.**

"**Um... yeah..." Sasori said, both he and Kakuzu standing up.**

"**Good, Sessue-sama has been waiting for you." He replied, walking the two missing nin into the compound, right into their target's main office.**

"**Oh, you two are with the Akatsuki, please, have a seat." The man in the same pale green kimono as the one in their picture said.**

**The two **_**very**_** confused and dumbfounded nin sat in the chairs sitting on the opposite side of his desk.**

"**So, would you two like some cookies? My wife just baked them this morning." He said, setting a plate of cookies in front of them.**

**Sasori and Kakuzu exchanged glances for a second, before each grabbing one of the cookies.**

"**Would you please excuse a moment?" Sasori said, taking a bite out of his cookie and grabbing Kakuzu by the arm, taking him to the back of the room.**

"**We are **_**not**_** killing him." Sasori said, watching Kakuzu finish his cookie.**

"**I know, the guy's guards lead us right to him, and he gives us cookies, he obviously isn't someone we should kill." Kakuzu replied, his turn to watch Sasori eat his cookie.**

"**Let's go, Pein probably just had us do this to waste our time." Sasori said as they walked over to Kahiki.**

"**Well, we just wanted to check up and make sure everything was in working order, which it clearly is, so we'll get out of your hair. You don't mind if I take the rest of these cookies do you?" Sasori got out, watching Kahiki nod.**

**The two left the Kahiki compound, making their way back to the Akatsuki lair. Of coarse when they reached the lair, Pein was waiting outside for them.**

"**Well? Is he dead?" Pein asked.**

"**No, we couldn't find a reason to kill him." Sasori replied as he and Kakuzu walked by their pierced leader.**

"**What?! Why not?!"**

"**There was no reason to kill him, I mean he gave us cookies." Kakuzu said, walking into the lair with Sasori, Pein running up to them.**

"**That doesn't matter! You were supposed to follow my orders!" Pein yelled, agitating Sasori.**

**The redheaded puppet jabbed Pein in side, followed up by Kakuzu grabbing his throat.**

"**Unless you want to lose your first battle you're gonna walk away and leave us be." Sasori said, Pein nodding in response.**

**Kakuzu went off in his own direction, Sasori walking into the kitchen and finding Deidara.**

"**Danna!" Deidara yelled, jumping up and hugging Sasori before they both sat back down.**

"**I brought you some cookies." Sasori said, setting the plate in front of him, Deidara quickly going through and eating them.**

"**So... Pick out a name yet?" Sasori asked, watching the poor little cookies being destroyed in Deidara's mouth.**

"**I thought a nice name for a girl would be Shiore, have you thought about any for a boy?" Deidara asked, wiping his mouth of crumbs.**

"**Well, I was thinking if it's a boy, we could name him after my granduncle, Ebizou." Sasori said, getting an odd look from Deidara.**

"**You know danna, we still haven't met each others parents." Deidara said, poking Sasori in the side.**

**Sasori's eyes shot open at Deidara's request, and wondered exactly what would happen when Deidara's parents learn he's pregnant.**

"**So you want me to meet your parents?" **

"**Well, my mom and sister at least." Deidara said, leaning against danna. "My dad got killed on a mission when I was only a baby."**

"**Hmm, my parents died when I was six, I was raised by my grandma and my granduncle."**

**Deidara began staring at the ground, trying to hide his guilt from his danna.**

"**Hey, it's alright, let's go to Iwa and meet that mom and sister of yours, then we can go to Suna and you can meet my grandma and Ebizou." Sasori said, leaning his head on Deidara's.**


	8. Chapter 8

"**I don't see why we can't just wear our normal Akatsuki clothes." Sasori said, waiting on Deidara to finish changing.**

"**Danna, Iwa and Suna are both hidden villages, from two of the five big shinobi countries, someone's gonna realize who we are." Deidara replied, walking out of the bathroom wearing his normal black pants and fishnet shirt, with a bigger blue shirt on over it.**

**Sasori smiled at how smart his Dei was, and went into the bathroom to change.**

"**So is that a normal Iwa outfit?"**

"**I guess, Iwa's not really like Suna, not everyone wears the same thing." Deidara replied, inadvertently annoying his danna.**

"**Dei, it's the middle of the fuckin' desert, sorry we have to dress to survive." **

"**Sorry danna..." Deidara replied, a little sad now.**

"**It's alright Dei, but when we go to Suna you'll regret not having one of these puppies." Sasori said, walking out of the bathroom wearing the robe most of the people in Suna wore.**

**Deidara saw Sasori in the robe, and had to try to stop laughing, not exactly to Sasori's liking.**

"**We'll see who laughs in Suna, Dei."**

**#**

"**So where exactly in Iwa do your mom and sister live?" Sasori asked as they entered into the city.**

"**Not very far from here danna, be patient." He replied, giggling at Sasori's impatience.**

**Indeed it wasn't far, and seemed to stand out more than other houses around it mainly because of the large holes, more than likely caused by explosions, covering it.**

"**Well you definitely lived here." Sasori said, as the two walked up to the front door and Deidara knocked.**

**Now what answered the door took Sasori by surprise, because the woman who answered the door looked, well, like a middle-aged female Deidara.**

"**Deidara!!"**

"**Mommy!!"**

**The two stood there and hugged for what seemed like forever, at least to Sasori.**

"**So Deidei, why the visit?" The woman asked, before Deidara pointed down at his stomach.**

"**Believe it or not, I'm givin' you grandbabies!"**

**Well now the woman was going crazy.**

"**Dei! Who's the other father?!" She asked, obviously happy for her son.**

"**Right here!" He yelled, pushing Sasori at his mother.**

"**Um... hi, I'm Sasori..." He said, realizing everyone in Deidara's family was crazy, hyperactive, and liked to blow things up.**

"**And I'm Deidara's mom, Kiribati!" The still happy woman yelled, grabbing Sasori and pulling him into a back-breaking hug. "You know, you feel tense."**

"**I'm...a...puppet..." He panted as Kiribati released him.**

"**What do you mean you're a puppet?"**

**Sasori undid part of his robe, showing her his puppet shoulder.**

"**I believe in eternal art, so I made myself into a puppet."**

"**Hmm... I think art is fleeting and beautiful, but what the hey, if you make my Deidara happy." She said, reassuring him.**

**The three walked inside, Sasori and Deidara taking a seat on a couch and Kiribati sitting on a chair facing them.**

"**So who far along are you Dei?" Kiribati asked.**

"**I'm already in the second trimester, but I can wait, what's going on with you?"**

"**Not much since you left, Ebi's been the same too."**

"**Where is Ebi?" Deidara asked in monotone.**

"**Right here mud." Some figure said, standing in the hallway looking at them.**

**The figure turned out to be another female that looked a little like Deidara, and was taller and a lighter shade of blond.**

"**So why wasn't I invited to the joyous reunion, and when'd you get fat?"**

"**I'm not fat Ebi, I'm pregnant." Deidara proudly exclaimed, causing his sister to pout.**

"**So you eventually found someone to pop your butt cherry, huh?" She said, causing Deidara's face to turn beet red and a panicked look across Sasori's face.**

"**You mean Deidara was a..."**

"**Virgin? Yep."**

"**Ebi! Did you know Sasori had the same 'everlasting art' idea that you have?" Deidara's mom said, trying to change the subject.**

"**Really? You mean someone else who doesn't think something has to be blown to pieces to be beautiful?" She said, walking over towards Sasori wearing a smirk.**

**Indeed this was a very awkward day for Sasori, as Ebi walked over and sat on his lap.**

"**The good ones are always gay aren't they... Oh well, hold on to this one mud, he's a keeper!" She said, sitting in his lap in a manner usually reserved for Deidara.**

"_**I**_** definitely will Ebi." He said, pushing her off of Sasori's lap and taking her place.**

"**So Deidara, Why don't you and your sister catch up, Sasori and I'll go get us something to drink."**

**Well that didn't sound good to Sasori.**

"**Sure mommy, danna go help her please?"**

"**Sure Dei..." Sasori said, carefully scooting Deidara off of him and getting up to follow Kiribati.**

"**So tell me," She started to ask as they entered into the kitchen, "aren't you a little young for my Dei?"**

"**Actually I'm around forty, I just made this puppet body when I was young."**

"**Then isn't he too young for you?!"**

"**Listen, he made the first move, he got pregnant, he wanted to stay with me, I wanted to stay with him, we love each other." He replied with his usual calm bearing.**

"**That's all I needed to hear." Kiribati replied, a smile forming on her face.**

**#**

"**So tell me mud, If he's a puppet who'd he get you pregnant?" Ebi asked as soon as the puppet in question and her mother went into the other room.**

"**What'd you mean?"**

"**Well, what's he got... down there?"**

"**He kept it."**

"**Hmm... How big is it?"**

"**Huge."**

**Now Ebi was getting annoyed.**

"**So how is he, you know, in the sack?"**

"**Great."**

"**Well, he is a Suna nin, I heard they were good."**

"**We're back!" Kiribati said as she and Sasori got back into the living room.**

**Sasori sat back down with Deidara, he and Ebi giggling.**

"**So, have you two picked a date yet?"**

"**Mom, it's a baby, we can't pick when it's born." Deidara replied, confused that a woman who had two kids couldn't figure it out.**

"**Not for the baby, I mean for the wedding!"**


	9. Chapter 9

**Deidara nearly choked at what his mother said, but Sasori seemed a lot more calm about it.**

**"Marriage... We hadn't really thought about it yet."**

**Ebi smirked and looked over at the puppet, while Kiribati stared at him.**

**"So wait, you got my son pregnant and _weren't _going to marry him??" She frantically asked.**

**Ebi got up and started to walk away, the smirk never leaving her face.**

**"Now mom, neither of us had thought about it yet, it isn't danna's fault..."**

**Deidara's reassuring wasn't doing much help, as his mother got up with a look so angry even the semi-emotionless puppet was scared.**

**"You weren't supposed to propose Dei, he was, and this wooden little asshole wasn't going to, and I won't have someone like that fathering my grandchild!" Kiribati yelled, reaching inside her shirt.**

**Deidara was a little upset that his own mother thought Sasori would be the only dad, but forgot all about that when he saw what she was holding.**

**A bag of clay.**

**"Danna lets go!" Deidara yelled, Sasori nodding and grabbing him before Kiribati had anything sculpted. Once they were out the door Sasori had enough time to pick Deidara up bridal style and start running again before the demented woman chased them with a barrage of explosives.**

**#**

**Kiribati walked back into her and Ebi's house, breathing heavily from chasing her son and his boyfriend with high explosives.**

**"Well I don't know," Ebi started, walking into the living room, "I liked him."**

**#**

**"Well that was fun." Deidara sarcastically said, sitting down on his bird, surprised that his own mother would be so violent towards him and his seme.**

**"Dei, if we do get married she isn't invited."**

**"What?! Danna she's my mom!" Deidara yelled, laying back on the bird trying to get comfortable.**

**"And she tried to blow me up. Your sister's nice though, she can come."**

**"Fine, but if my mom can go from super-nice to homicidal in two seconds, what're your grandma and uncle gonna do?"**

**This was a question that Sasori _really_ didn't want to answer. Every time he played the scenario of telling the two elderly people who raised him he was gay and two times as old as his pregnant boyfriend it ended tragically for one party or the other, not something he desperately wanted.**

**"I'm sure they'll love you, just let me do most of the talking."**

**It was still day time when they reached Suna, the clay bird they were on circling a plot of sand outside they gate. They landed, Sasori carefully carrying Deidara off before they bird disappeared.**

**Sasori let Deidara down as they walked over to the gate with two Suna jonin standing guard at it. Deidara watched as Sasori easily persuaded the two nin to step aside and let them through.**

**"Danna, how'd you get them to let us through?"**

**"Well, if a wandering nomad happens to find a lost pregnant girl alone in the desert, it would be best to get her some shelter wouldn't it?" He asked, Deidara slightly agitated that his own danna called him a woman.**

**"You couldn't just say you were visiting your grandparents?"**

**"I have built a little infamy Dei, if I had so much as said 'grandparents' they would figure out who I was."**

**This was true, cause not a lot happens in Suna, so when the grandchild of Chiyo kills the Sandaime Kazekage and about three hundred others, people do tend to remember.**

**The blond and the redhead walked down one of the streets, passing a few small vendors and things, Deidara realizing that almost everyone (excluding some of the ninja walking around) was wearing the same robe as Sasori.**

**"Damn danna, I'd hate to lose you in this crowd."**

**"Dressing to survive Dei, it comes with living in the desert."**

**"I honestly can't see how _anyone_ could live here." Deidara replied, looking around at the different buildings made of sand.**

**"Because we choose to Dei, living in the desert gets you ready for life, builds character."**

**'Perfect,' Deidara began to think as he followed his redhead to the end of the street, 'Danna's a gym teacher.'**

**"Dei, we're here."**

**Deidara dropped the thought of gym teacher danna and looked forward, seeing a very large building that wasn't made of sand, meaning it had to of been important.**

**"Is this were your grandparents stay? They must be doing well for themselves."**

**"Did I forget to mention that back in their day they were super famous and now they just spend all day up there doing... Well I don't really know."**

**Well that's a bit of info that Deidara missed.**

**"What'd you mean they were super famous?!"**

**"Well technically they still are, but don't worry, they won't hurt you as long as you stick close to me."**

**Deidara followed his danna's instructions and walked next to him, before grabbing the puppet's arm and putting it around his waist.**

**The two walked into the large building, when Deidara learnt that it was basically stairs.**

**"I think they already don't like me." Deidara said, leaning into Sasori.**

**Without responding Sasori grabbed Deidara and held him up bridal style again. Sasori looked down into Deidara's blue eyes before leaning over and planting a short kiss on him.**

**"What was that for danna?"**

**"For being my sexy little Dei, now let's go." He replied with a smile.**


	10. Chapter 10

Denn, du bist, was, du isst, und, ihr wisst, was, es ist, es ist MEIN TEIL!! (nein)

**Sasori finally carried Deidara up the giant flight of stairs, hurriedly putting him down as soon as they reached the peak.**

**"Fuck... I hate stairs." He said, leaning against the wall. **

**"Yes danna, I know I'm heavy." Deidara replied, crossing his arms, "Now can we please go?"**

**"Yeah, alright."**

**Sasori walked over to the giant double doors and knocked, the door slowly opening to reveal to old people with the same robe Sasori had on fishing in a tiny pond.**

**"Who's there?" The old woman asked as Sasori began walking toward them, Deidara following behind him.**

**"It's me baa-chan."**

**The woman got up and jogged her way over to them, looking up at Sasori for a second before wrapping her arms around him, Sasori doing them same.**

**"Chiyo Baa-chan, this is Deidara, my boyfriend." Sasori said, pointing over at the blond.**

**"Boyfriend? You're gay?"**

**Deidara was suddenly scared, mainly because of what his mom had done, and if a nice woman like that can go homicidal, what would the old lady who taught Sasori about puppets do?**

**"He's kinda big isn't he?" Chiyo asked, both reassuring and annoying Deidara.**

**"I'm pregnant, I'm not fat."**

**"Pregnant? But, isn't Sasori..."**

**"I'm fully capable of that Baa-chan!" Sasori yelled, making sure he would never hear his grandmother talk about ejaculation.**

**"Oh... Ok, so please you two, sit down!" The old woman said, leading them over to the small pond where Ebizou was still seated.**

**"Sis, who is it?" Ebizou asked as the three approached.**

**"It's Sasori, he's come back, and is giving me great-grandkids!" Chiyo happily exclaimed.**

**"Really, what's her name?"**

**"_His_ name is Deidara uncle, he's my boyfriend." Sasori said, upset that he confused Deidara for a girl.**

**"Oh, I see, so how long you kids been at it?"**

**"As long as I've been preg..." Deidara said, before abruptly stopping and grabbing his stomach.**

**"Dei!" Sasori said, rushing over to the blond and holding him, "What's wrong, is it the baby? Are you ok?!"**

**"Danna... I felt it kick."**

**Chiyo suddenly became very exited, pushing Sasori into the small pond she and Ebizou fished in, where he sank like a rock, and went to feel Deidara's belly.**

**"My great grandbaby's kicking! I can't believe this!"**

**"Uh, sis," Ebizou said, staring into the water, and failing to see Sasori, "I can't find your grandson..."**

**"Quiet Ebizou!" She yelled, going back to Deidara's baby. "Ah! He kicked again!"**

**"Uncle!" Sasori said, popping out of the pond and clawing his way to land, Chiyo and Deidara also watching him, "There is only one way...to capture the elusive bun-fish..."**

**Everyone continued to stare at the redhead, while he merely looked back in confusion.**

**"That's what we were talking about, right?"**

**"Um, danna, we were talking about the baby..."**

**"Oh," Sasori replied, standing back up, "It was hard to hear under water."**

**Sasori then began to undo his robe, as to wring it out and avoid any unnecessary wetness.**

**"Danna! What are you doing?!" Deidara asked, less concerned about their baby and more about the strip tease he was performing for his grandparents.**

**"What? If I leave it wet then sand'll cling to it and it'll get too heavy." He said, undoing the last button and peeling it off.**

**"Do you have to do it right here?!"**

**"Well where am I supposed to go?" **

**Sasori honestly couldn't think of what was wrong with undressing in front of the two old people.**

**"Deidara, it's ok, I like how Sasori turned himself into a puppet." Chiyo said, confusing Deidara.**

**"You mean you don't mind that he gave up his real body, well most of it anyway, and changed it for a puppet?"**

**"We'll love him no matter what Dei, the fact that I'm a puppet master, and love how cute he stays, just help things, she said with a proud smile on.**

**"Well baa-chan, it's kinda getting late, me and Dei should leave, stuff to do."**

**"Oh no you're not, you're staying in Suna tonight, it's too late for the fathers of my great grandchild to go anywhere."**

**"But baa-chan!"**

**"I said no, now you two go get a hotel and you can leave in the morning, alright?"**

**"Alright baa-chan..."**

**Sasori an Deidara left the room with Chiyo and Ebizou in it, going back to the stairs Sasori so detested.**

**"So you just let Chiyo win that easy?" Deidara asked, a hint of laughter in his voice.**

**"If you thought your crazy mom was bad, you should see her when she's upset."**

Ich liebe Flake (ist gut!)


	11. Chapter 11

**"Danna?"**

**"Yeah Dei?" Sasori replied, walking out of the bathroom in a pair of sweatpants.**

**"How do you think the baby will turn out?"**

**"What'd you mean?"**

**"Do you think she'll be crazy like my mom?"**

**"What do you mean she? He probably won't take after your mom's side, hopefully." Sasori answered, getting into bed with Deidara.**

**"What makes you think it's a boy?" Deidara replied, cuddling up next to the redhead.**

**"I dunno, just have a feeling."**

**"Well I have a feeling that she'll be a girl, so there."**

**#**

**Kakuzu sat on the edge of his bed, waiting on his albino partner to enter the room. He decided that this was the perfect time to collect his reward for rescuing Hidan's rosary from the toilet, since he would be in from his daily ritual soon, which always put him in a good mood.**

**"Well hey there buttnut!" Hidan yelled, walking through the door soaked in blood with a wide smile on his face.**

**"Hidan, ready to reward me for saving your pendant?"**

**"Fuckin' killjoy." The silver haired immortal muttered, dropping his smile and reaching into his back pocket for his wallet. "How much you want?"**

**"Not money my little zealot, you're going with me for drinks." Kakuzu replied, watching Hidan stand in front of him with a blank expression.**

**"Please tell me I'm your wingman..." Hidan replied, the fact the larger man had just asked him out.**

**"Nope, just drinks, with just you and me."**

**Then Hidan heard something that had never been spoken by Kakuzu before in his entire lifetime.**

**"I'll even buy."**

**Hidan was literally crying trying to hold back laughter and shock from the statement, his pale face turning red.**

**"Hidan, yes or no?"**

**"S-Sure Kakuzu..." He replied, walking out of the room and into the hallway to start laughing.**

**'He will be mine...' Kakuzu thought to himself, watching the younger immortal walk out the door.**

**Now that Kakuzu was going on a date with Hidan, he had to pick somewhere to go. He had to pick a bar that had cheap drinks that Hidan would like, or at least get drunk on, and he had to do it fast.**

**"Oh, Kakuzu," Hidan said, walking back into the room, "you never said where we were going."**

**"Oh, uh, we're going to, uh" Kakuzu had to hurry and pick a place, so his favorite bar couldn't hurt, right? "Gregorochav's."**

**"Gregorochav's? isn't that that Russian bar?"**

**"Yeah, why is that bad?"**

**"Guess not, long as I can get shit faced it's all right."**

**"Good, go get changed and we can leave."**

**Hidan nodded and walked into the bathroom, grabbing a new cloak on the way.**

**Kakuzu had no problem waiting a couple minutes for Hidan, and in a short amount of time Hidan emerged from the bathroom in a clean new cloak.**

**"Ready?"**

**"Hell yeah, let's get hammered!"**

**The two left their room and the lair, going off to Kakuzu's favorite bar.**

**They arrived shortly, greeted by the dimly lit neon sign reading **

**"Gregorochav's"**

**"This is your favorite bar? No wonder, the place looks like it's being held together with tape, owner must be as cheap as you." Hidan said as the two entered.**

**"Hey, I come here for cheap drinks, not atmosphere."**

**"Hey, is that Kakuzu? Kakuzu! It's been ages!" A man with a heavy Russian accent yelled from behind the bar.**

**"I know Sergei, oh, this is Hidan, he'll be joining me today."**

**"Oh, I see what is going on, don't worry Kakuzu, we won't tell any embarrassing stories of you today!"**

**"Good one Sergei, just start the Orloff and keep em' coming."**

**Two and a half drinks each later...**

**"And...And so Kakuzu...Kakuzu here says 'Hey! Where...where's the client?' And...And I say 'Well I to...took care of him' And Kakuzu says 'Well...Well where is...is he?' And I say 'Just killed him' and then Kakuzu comes back with 'You...You dumbass...This was a body guarding mission!!" Hidan drunkenly slurred everyone around him, including Kakuzu, laughing.**

**"Kakuzu, looks like your friend here has a problem holding his liquor!" One of the Russians yelled.**

**"Right, well I'm gotta take him home, see you whenever." Kakuzu said, tossing the Jashinist over his shoulder and walking out.**

**"****Dasvadanja**** Kakuzu, don't be a stranger!"**

**Kakuzu carried the sloppy drunk of a Hidan back to the Akatsuki lair, Hidan spouting the occasional obscenity, and back into their room.**

**"Here we are." Kakuzu said, dropping Hidan on his back onto his bed.**

**"Good night Kakuzu..." Hidan muttered before drifting into his vodka induced sleep.**

**"Good night Hidan." Kakuzu replied, kissing the immortal on the forehead and exiting the room.**

**Pein was walking down the hallway when Kakuzu left his room, and had been wondering where the two immortals had been.**

**"Where were you and Hidan earlier?"**

**"Doesn't matter, but don't go in there, he's sleeping." Kakuzu said, intimidating Pein into leaving him alone.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Sasori stirred out of bed before Deidara, yawning and stretching before an attempt to wake the blond.**

"**Dei? You ready to get up?" Sasori asked, slightly nudging him.**

"**Let me sleep danna, we've got all day and I'm tired." He replied, pulling the blanket over his head.**

"**Alright, I'll wake you up later."**

**Sasori got up, smiling softly at Deidara's laziness, before he heard a knock at the door.**

'**Who the hell...?' Sasori thought, since no one knew where they were.**

**He shrugged it off and walked to the door, tossing a shirt on to hide his puppet features, just in case. He was shocked, as when he opened the door another redhead in the Kazekage's robe was revealed.**

"**I was told that you rescued a pregnant girl from the desert and brought her here, so the village is having a banquet in your honor."**

"**Oh, um, thanks…When is this banquet?" Sasori nervously asked, praying that Deidara didn't wake up.**

"**Tonight at seven."**

**Sasori nodded and bowed, quickly running back into the room and waking Deidara.**

"**Dei! Get up!"**

"**Danna… I said to wait…"**

"**Dei you need up now! The Kazekage was just here!"**

"**What?!" Deidara yelled, jumping up, "Why?!"**

"**You know my cover story that got us in here?"**

"**They didn't buy it?!" Deidara yelled, ready to rip Sasori to pieces.**

"**No, they're throwing a banquet in my honor!"**

"**Really? When is it?" Deidara asked intrigued about the event.**

"**Luckily not 'till seven, so we've got a while." Sasori replied, walking over to his robe.**

"**You're right; I can get plenty of sleep and still go." Deidara said, once again tossing the blanket over himself and attempting to go back to sleep.**

"**What?! We can't go; we have to leave Suna now!!" Sasori yelled, pushing the pregnant Deidara, trying to get him back up.**

"**Why can't we go danna?" Deidara said, giving up on sleep.**

"**Dei, I'm lucky as hell the Kazekage didn't notice me, so going to a banquet with most of the city attending won't be a great idea for a run-away serial killer!" Sasori frantic-tick-tick-tockly replied, tossing Deidara's clothes at him.**

"**Danna, who in Suna besides you me and your grandparents know you're a puppet?"**

"**No one I guess, why?" Sasori replied, calming down a little.**

"**So won't they expect you to look older?"**

"**Oh, uh, guess you're right…"**

"**So it's agreed, we're going; now for the last time, I'm going to sleep."**

**#**

"**Good morning Hidan!" Kakuzu shouted at his sleeping partner, throwing open the curtains, flooding the room with light.**

"**Shit, close those fuckin' things and quit fuckin' yelling, I'm hung over…!" Hidan angrily mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose and squinting at the smirking figure above him.**

"**Come on, if I leave you alone too long you'll go back to sleep and we can't have that now, can we?" Kakuzu said, walking onto the albino's bed and nudging him with his foot.**

"**Is this why you took me drinking?! To get me hung over so you could fuck with me?!" Hidan replied through gritted teeth, slowly sitting up.**

"**Nope, besides, I had the same amount you had, apparently you're weak sir."**

**Hidan became enraged at the fact he was a sloppy drunk, and could be drunken under the table by a sixty-five year old woman.**

"**FUCK YOU YOU BASTARD!!" Hidan screamed, grabbing his scythe that was leaning against his night stand and swinging at Kakuzu, who easily dodged.**

"**My my, not so good with the old scythe after a hard nights drinking, hmm? So when can we expect you next?"**

"**Expect me where?" Hidan muttered, as Kakuzu crouched down on top of him.**

"**At the bar, I think they liked you."**

"**WHAT?! I'm not going back to that fucking place!!"**

"**Why not, you had such a good time last night?" Kakuzu asked, kissing Hidan on the forehead and jumping off the bed to leave the room.**

**Hidan sat in his bed, blushing terribly from the kiss Kakuzu had gave him, and from what might have happened while he was drunk.**

'**Did he…'**

**#**

**Kakuzu walked out of his and Hidan's room, traveling into the kitchen. Almost as soon as he was inside the fridge, Pein approached him.**

"**Kakuzu, do you know where Sasori and Deidara are?"**

"**Why the hell would I know? I'm not their keeper." Kakuzu replied, picking through the fridges contents.**

"**Well, they've been gone since yesterday, and you're the only one he associates with besides Deidara."**

"**Well, they said nothing to me, so why don't you go get a lap dance from Konan or something." Kakuzu said, pissing Pein off for one of the last times. **


	13. Chapter 13

"**Dei, come on wake up!" Sasori yelled.**

"**Danna… I said to wait…"**

"**It's six thirty Dei, come on!" He yelled again.**

"**Alright, alright, I'm up…" Deidara mumbled, sitting up and looking at Sasori. "I'm gonna get a shower."**

"**Alright, just hurry up…" Sasori replied, leaning against the wall.**

**#**

**The two were ready for Sasori's banquet, though Deidara was forgetting an important point.**

"**Aren't you gonna henge into a girl?" Sasori asked, upsetting Dei.**

"**Why would I do that?!"**

"**Because your sexy man voice and lack of boobs could prove suspicious to everyone." Sasori calmly replied, changing Deidara's mind.**

"**I guess you're right…" Deidara replied, making the hand signs.**

**A moment later Deidara was cloaked in a cloud of smoke, reemerging with almost no difference besides an increased bust size.**

"**You like it danna?" Deidara asked in his new feminine voice.**

**Sasori stood drooling over his new female Dei, praying he was allowed to do something to her eventually.**

"**Let's, um, go…" He said, leading them out the door.**

**They left the hotel, walking their way to the Kazekage's mansion.**

"**Now Dei, I think e should come up with new names, just in case."**

"**Alright danna, I'll be…Ukare."**

"**Ok, and I'll be…Horiuchi."**

**They continued through the sandy city until they found the location of the banquet, with two Sun nin waiting outside.**

"**You're the nomad and the pregnant girl, right?" One of them asked.**

"**Yeah," Sasori answered, Deidara standing right behind him. "I'm Horiuchi and this is Ukare."**

**The two shinobi nodded and led them in, where a huge gathering of people was waiting for them. Sasori and Deidara were ushered to a table with the Kazekage and his council, where they took their seats, both near Gaara.**

"**Kazekage-sama, this is Horiuchi and Ukare, the nomad and the pregnant girl." One of the shinobi said, as they both left. **

"**So, you rescued this girl?" Gaara asked Sasori, sounding a tad enthused.**

"**Yes, I was walking through the desert, going to stop into Suna for some supplies, when I came across her. I decided to take her with me, and here we are."**

"**Oh, so what were you doing wandering through the desert?" Gaara asked Deidara.**

**Deidara had to come up with something fast, having no cover story as to why he was in the desert.**

"**She told me that she couldn't be around her husband anymore, so she left her village but got lost." Sasori answered, taking the pressure off of Deidara.**

**Gaara nodded, looking around the room in a confused style.**

"**When is the food getting here?" Gaara mumbled, not paying attention to Sasori and Deidara staring at him.**

"**So Kazekage-sama, why throw an entire banquet for me?" Sasori asked, jerking Gaara back into reality.**

"**Oh, uh, Nothing's really happened in Suna in a while, so we try to make an event out of just about everything."**

"**So when was the last time something like this happened?" Sasori asked, trying to make time go by faster with conversation.**

"**Well, that last time something big happened in Suna, it was when Akasuna no Sasori killed the Sandaime."**

**Both Sasori and Deidara nearly choked at the fact Sasori had been brought into the conversation.**

"**Oh really? Well that must have been years ago, and people still remember that Akasuna guy?" Sasori nervously asked.**

"**Actually almost everyone remembers him, he must have killed almost three hundred people before he left, and then I think the Akatsuki forced him to join them."**

"**What?!" Sasori angrily asked, "They didn't force him to join, they had to beg him!!"**

"**How do you know?" Gaara asked, a little suspicious of his behavior.**

"**I ,uh, met him once, he told me about it…."**

**Gaara stared at him oddly for a second before closing his eyes and shrugging his shoulders. "Alright, I guess a nomad would meet a lot of people."**

**#**

**As the banquet was ending, Sasori and Deidara decided to leave, as most people had already.**

"**You two are leaving already?" Gaara asked.**

"**Yeah, we have to go; it's back to the desert with us."**

"**What do you mean; you're taking her back to the desert with you? I thought you took her to Suna to get her shelter?" Gaara asked, taking Sasori off guard.**

"**Well, I um, we…" Deidara figured it was time he bailed his danna out of trouble, and figured a quick way to.**

"**I've fallen in love with him, and I decided I wanted to be with him!"**

**Deidara then grabbed Sasori and planted a kiss on him, Sasori "playing along" and kissing him back.**

"**Right…Well um, if you'll excuse me I've got a date with a tire in the bathroom…" He said taking off.**

"**Well he's weird, huh danna?" Deidara asked, as they left the mansion.**

"**Yeah, so about you being a girl...How much longer were you going to stay like this?" Sasori asked, holding Deidara's hand.**

"**Forget about it, even if we had sex you'd be filling the same hole as always, I'm too pregnant for what you want." Deidara replied, leaning against Sasori.**

**They both chuckled as they exited Suna, making their way back to the Akatsuki.**

**#**

**Happy Birthday James Hetfield!  
****Good luck on Death Magnetic!**


	14. Chapter 14

"Dei, come on wake up

"**We're back!" Deidara yelled as he and Sasori entered into the base.**

**The only other people around were Zetsu and Kakuzu, neither of whom paid much attention.**

"**So Kakuzu," Sasori said, taking a seat near him. "How're things with Hidan?"**

"**Oh, I have him right where I want him." Kakuzu replied. "In fact, it's about time I went and checked up on him."**

**Kakuzu got up and left down the hallway, while Deidara went to join his danna.**

"**So Dei, can you henge into a girl again?" Sasori asked, voice full of anticipation.**

"**Well…I guess danna, but you have to pay me back later." Deidara replied, as they both ran down the hallway to their room.**

**Kakuzu was nonchalantly walking to his and Hidan's room, putting phase two of his plan into action.**

"**Hey asshole." Hidan said as Kakuzu entered.**

"**So, you up for another night of vodka?"**

"**Are you serious?" Hidan asked, blankly staring at Kakuzu.**

"**Why not? It's balalaika Monday?" Kakuzu asked.**

"**Balalaika Monday?"**

"**Yeah, every Monday you get free drinks if you bring a one, so you coming or not?"**

**Hidan sat and pondered a second, but the top thing on his mind was whether or not Kakuzu did anything to him while he was drunk. Then he came up with a plan of his own.**

**He would just pretend to be drunk, and then see what Kakuzu was talking about.**

"**Alright then, I'll go."**

**Kakuzu nodded then walked over to his bed, reaching underneath and grabbing his balalaika.**

"**So can you actually play that?" Hidan asked as they left their room.**

"**No, but it gets me drunk on Monday, so it's worth keeping around."**

**Hidan nodded and the two continued walking, back to Gregorochav's. They made it back to the Russian bar, Kakuzu getting his usual greetings.**

"**Kakuzu, why have you brought this one back? He is too easy a drunk to handle vodka!" one of the Russians yelled, the rest of the bar erupting in laughter.**

"**Let up on him Sergei, I brought the balalaika, not him." Kakuzu said as he and Hidan took seats at the bar.**

"**Yes you did Kakuzu, so why don't you play us something on it huh?"**

"**You know I can't play, so just start up the vodka and charge it to Hidan." Kakuzu said, Sergei nodding and grabbing a bottle.**

"**Kakuzu, I don't understand how you could like it here." Hidan said, looking around at the happy Russians surrounding him.**

**# just one and a half drinks later #**

"**Kakuzu!" Hidan drunkenly slurred, spinning around in his bar stool.**

"**That was less vodka than yesterday! Your friend is a **_**very **_**weak drunk ****tovarish****!" Sergei yelled, the entire bar erupting in laughter.**

"**Guess it's time to leave, I'll see you." Kakuzu said, picking Hidan up bridal style and walking out with him.**

**Now Hidan wasn't a subtle man, so finding out what was going on was going to be pretty to the point.**

"**So are we gonna fuck like last night…?" He slurred, keeping up his drunken demeanor.**

"**Silly Hidan, we didn't have sex last night, I just put you in bed, remember?"**

"**You didn't fuck me?!" Hidan asked, dropping the drunk act.**

**Kakuzu stopped, staring down at Hidan, who started turning red.**

"**You're not drunk, why did we leave?" Kakuzu asked, still not putting said albino down.**

"**Hidan, I'm going to fuck you senseless." Kakuzu said, Hidan nodding in response.**

**Kakuzu let down Hidan's legs down, Hidan wrapping the legs around his waist. Kakuzu began kissing Hidan, who quickly began kissing back.**

**Kakuzu walked them into a small grove of trees, where he pushed Hidan up against one of them.**

"**Kakuzu…Don't make me wait…" Hidan moaned as Kakuzu moved to begin kissing his neck.**

**Hidan let go of Kakuzu's back, as did Kakuzu before he started to undo Hidan's cloak. Hidan pulled his arms through the sleeves, letting the cloak drop to the ground.**

**Kakuzu began kissing Hidan's chest, listening to his moans as he moved to his nipple.**

"**Shit…Fuck me Kakuzu, fuck me now!" Hidan moaned, kicking off his ninja sandals.**

**Kakuzu was ready to comply, undoing Hidan's pants; dropping his legs for a second and letting the pants and boxers hit the ground. Kakuzu quickly grabbed his legs and pulled him back up before undoing his own cloak and pants, then slowly pushing himself into Hidan.**

"**SHIT!" Hidan moaned feeling Kakuzu deep inside of him.**

**Kakuzu smirked and pulled Hidan mostly off of him, before letting himself back in, quickly picking up speed and slamming into Hidan's prostate.**

"**Kakuzu…Kakuzu…Kakuzu!…FUCKIN" KAKUZU!!" Hidan screamed, before coming onto Kakuzu's shirt.**

**Kakuzu didn't let up, ramming just as hard a few more times before coming into Hidan. The two collapsed onto the ground, meeting in a heated kiss.**

"**Kakuzu…My back fuckin' hurts, so does my ass…"**

**Kakuzu understood the latter, but his back?**

"**Turn around hon." Kakuzu said, Hidan listening and showing Kakuzu his bloody and scraped up back.**

"**Guess that's what happens when you fuck with your back to a tree." Kakuzu chuckled, Hidan joining him.**

"**So are we going out now?" Hidan asked.**

"**Yep, now get dressed; we need to get back to the base." Kakuzu said, helping Hidan get up.**


	15. Chapter 15

"**Damn danna, I like sex as a girl!" Deidara said, cuddled up with said danna.**

"**And I'm startin' to like sex with girls." Sasori replied, receiving a punch in the arm from Deidara. "Relax; I still only like sex with you."**

**Deidara smiled a little and cuddled deeper into Sasori, starting to fall asleep with the puppet.**

**#**

**Kakuzu walked into the lair carrying Hidan bridal style as he did before, shocking Pein and Konan, who happened to be in the room.**

"**Are you two together now?" Konan asked, as Pein knew better than to ask Kakuzu or Sasori anything.**

"**Hell yeah, we've even had time to 'consummate' the relationship!" Hidan said, Kakuzu giggling and taking them into the hallway to their room.**

"**What the hell? They're nice to you but assholes to me?" Pein said as soon as Kakuzu was out of hearing range.**

"**I dunno, they're probably jealous or something."**

"**Yeah, that's probably it…" Pein replied, his ego satisfied for the moment.**

**#**

**Kakuzu took Hidan into their room, where he gently placed him on the bed before getting on his knees in front of him.**

"**What are you doing?" Hidan asked knowing full well what he was doing.**

"**I don't wanna be a selfish lover, and since I didn't do this back by the trees I should do it now." Kakuzu replied, reaching for Hidan's crotch.**

**#**

"**So what were you and Kakuzu talking about earlier?" Deidara asked as the two lay in each other's arms.**

"**Oh, he's trying to get a date with Hidan."**

"**What?! Kakuzu and Hidan?" Deidara said, freaking Sasori out a bit.**

"**What, I don't see much problem with it, besides, Kakuzu's talked about it in front of you before, remember?"**

"**I thought he was kidding! If those two were dating it could spell death for us all!"**

"**Dei, you're hormonal, you're probably overreacting."**

"**Am I danna? Two immortals, one religious and one greedy, start dating where one of the few things they have in common is killing, and you thing they're just the perfect couple?!"**

"**Dei, I'm a murderous puppet and you're my pregnant ex-terrorist boyfriend, now does that sound normal?" Sasori asked, catching Deidara off guard.**

"**Yeah…Well…Forget it, lets just cuddle some more." Deidara said, nuzzling into Sasori's shoulder.**

**Sasori grunted a "yeah" and turned to hold Deidara, the two of them falling into a peaceful sleep.**

**#**

"**Kakuzu…!" Hidan moaned, grabbing onto the back of Hidan's head as it slid up and down from his groin. "I can't hold it much longer!!"**

**Kakuzu continued for a few moments, before his mouth was home to Hidan's come. All that could be heard was Hidan's panting and the short gulping noise.**

"**Thanks…Kuzu…" Hidan got out, before he was face to face with the stitched man.**

"'**Kuzu?' I get my own petname?"**

"**What, don't like it?" Hidan asked, Kakuzu smiling in response.**

"**I love it Hidan."**

**Hidan gleefully fell onto Kakuzu in a hug, Kakuzu quickly hugging back.**

"**And I love you Hidan." Kakuzu said, feeling the hug get tighter.**

"**Do you mean it?!" Hidan said, not letting go of the bigger man.**

"**Uh huh, I love you even more than money. You know, you're acting very un-Hidan like."**

**Hidan let go of Kakuzu, revealing his tear-filled eyes.**

"**No one's ever told me they loved me that much, thank you Kuzu, I Love You Too!!" Hidan shouted, feeling his waist being held by Kakuzu's arms.**

"**Something tells me we are going to have a very interesting relationship, Hidan."**

**#**

"**So danna, wanna go see what Kakuzu and Hidan are doing?" Deidara asked, bored of just resting.**

"**I guess."**

**The two got out of bed and dressed, heading out of their room and down the hall. They ran into Pein on the way, and Sasori wanted to know for sure if Kakuzu and Hidan were there.**

"**Pein?"**

"**Yes Sasori…?" Pein said, not wanting yelled at or beaten.**

"**Are Kakuzu and Hidan here?"**

"**How should I know?" Pein said, feeling a little confident and stealing Kakuzu's line. "I'm not their keeper."**

**Well that's just something you don't say to Sasori.**

**Sasori grabbed Pein by his collar and pinned him to the wall, scaring the shit out of the pierced Ame nin.**

"**The fuck did you say to me punk?"**

"**Yes, they're here!" Pein blurted out before being dropped to the ground.**

**Sasori and Deidara left their leader on the ground as they continued down the hallway.**

'**Fuck…I'll get the puppet and the old bastard later…'**

**Sasori and Deidara entered the immortals shared room, finding the two hugging with Hidan in tears.**

"**Yeah, we're going out now too." Kakuzu said, putting a smirk on Sasori and Deidara's faces.**

"**By the way Hidan," Deidara said, staring at the immortals waists. "You need to put that away."**

**Hidan looked down, and realized that his member was still out of his pants from the earlier blowjob.**

"**Fuck you blondy, at least I'm not pregnant." Hidan said, wiping his tears away.**

"**Come on, let's celebrate, drinks on me!" Sasori said, Kakuzu and Hidan getting up and agreeing with the puppet. **

**The four left the room and went into the hallway, where they were greeted by an overly pissed off Pein.**

"**Alright you two, we're settling this once and for all, and I'll have you begging for mercy.**

**Sasori and Kakuzu merely sighed, staring over at the younger missing nin.**

"**If we have to, we'll beat your ass." Kakuzu said, taking off his cloak.**

"**And I don't know about Kakuzu, but I've been wanting to do this for a long time." Sasori said, taking the Sandaime Kazekage scroll from his sleeve.**


	16. Chapter 16

**a/n – This would have been on earlier, but I was seeing PETER FRAMPTON LIVE IN COLOMBUS OHIO!!**

**#**

**Pein stood facing down his opponents, Sasori with his Kazekage puppet and Kakuzu with his masks. Sasori was the first to make his attack, manipulating the Kazekage into exposing his arm blade.**

**The Sandaime lunged forward at Pein, who took a defensive stance with a kunai that could easily block the puppet.**

"**Apparently the mighty Akatsuki leader can't find out when there's a sneak attack against him." Kakuzu said, seemingly exposing his strategy to the younger man.**

"**Dumbass old man…" Pein said, shifting so he could face Kakuzu.**

**But was Pein in for it now.**

**The pierced leader stared blankly at Kakuzu, who merely stood waving at him, completely forgetting about the puppet coming at him.**

**Something he shouldn't have forgotten about.**

"**SHIT!!" Pein screamed, as the Kazekage's blade eased through his side, blood spurting out like a plastic bottle of tang being shot at close range by a .22 (I'm part redneck, so I've done this before.)**

"**Dei, when was the last time I cleaned Sandaime's blade?" Sasori asked, both he and Kakuzu wearing smirks.**

"**Couldn't tell you danna!" Deidara replied, happy his danna won.**

"**Well Pein, have fun with tetanus, we'll be back in a bit." Kakuzu said, as they all walked off, except for Hidan, who stopped to kick Pein in his other side.**

"**That's for calling my fuckin' seme a dumbass old man!"**

**Hidan caught up with the others as they were exiting the base, deciding on where to go.**

"**So it's agreed, we're going to McGreevy's." Sasori said, as they made their way to the Irish pub.**

**They soon arrived, all of them heading to the bar and ordering drinks (except for poor Dei, who was confined to peanuts) and catching up.**

**Within a reasonable amount of time (except in Hidan's case) everyone was drunk but Deidara, whose job it was to get them all home.**

**It was then revealed that what kind of drunk the three were after enough whisky.**

**Hidan was a sleepy drunk, being passed out and all, Sasori was a horny drunk, and Kakuzu was a mean drunk.**

"**Hey baby, you look good, just like my boyfriend but like… a million times better!" Sasori said, hitting on Deidara.**

"**Really? Thanks danna."**

"**Ooh, I like it when you call me danna, how 'bout you come back to the base with me? I mean, screw Deidara, you look like you need me in you, so how 'bout it babe?"**

**Deidara had more to worry about than his horny danna (but that would change) since he had to carry Hidan, while Kakuzu was busy fighting with a small tree.**

**Somehow the three got back to the base, Kakuzu being sober enough to take Hidan back to their room, and Deidara leading Sasori back to theirs.**

**He opened the door to an odd sight, however, since Itachi and Kisame were already trying to use it.**

"**What the hell are you two doing?!"**

"**What?" Kisame asked, getting off of Itachi ( both of whom were still dressed) "We want pregnant too."**

"**Well whine to Pein, don't soil our room with your creepy fish sex!"**

"**We don't have 'creepy fish sex'; we have sex like any other gay couple!" Itachi yelled.**

"**What ever, just go!" Deidara yelled, the odd couple following their order and leaving.**

**Sasori then nudged Deidara into the room, the two stumbling their way to the bed.**

"**I'm gonna do the stuff to you that makes Deidara go crazy, say, what's your name?" Sasori asked.**

"**My name's Deidara."**

"**Well Deidara, prepare for the best sex of your life!"**

**#**

"**Hidan, wake up…" Kakuzu said, poking the younger man in the side.**

"…**Huh?...Kakuzu…Wanna have sex?" Hidan said as soon as he stirred, Kakuzu eagerly nodding before pouncing on him.**

**#**

"**Pein? Where are you?" Konan asked, roaming around the base looking for him.**

**What she found instead was very disturbing, a small pool of blood and a trail of blood leading right into Zetsu and Tobi's room. Konan wondered into the room, finding Tobi and Zetsu trying to open up Zetsu' flytrap that was shut around his head.**

"**What happened here?" Konan asked, Zetsu mumbling through the plant on his head.**

"**Zetsu-san's flytrap locked up when he was eating and Tobi can't get it open!"**


	17. Chapter 17

"**What…Where am I…?" Sasori asked, sitting up and looking around.**

"**Good morning danna, remember me?" Deidara said, staring up at Sasori with a smirk.**

"**Deidara, did we have sex?"**

"**Don't you remember, you left Deidara, I look a million times better so now you're going out with me."**

"**Oh…sorry, Dei, but I get really horny when I'm drunk...I'm sorry if I did anything stupid."**

**Deidara surprisingly hugged onto Sasori's torso, rubbing the side of his face against his danna.**

"**It's alright danna, you don't blame me when I'm all hormonal, I won't blame you for getting drunk, at least you were still hitting on me, and you said I look a million times better than myself, so it's alright."**

**Sasori smiled, reaching his hand back and stroking Deidara's hair.**

"**Thanks for being so understanding Dei."**

**#**

"**Damn Kakuzu…I don't know why I didn't start going out with you before…" Hidan said, laying beneath Kakuzu.**

"**Not to long ago you said you'd never let a guy fuck you, what changed your mind?"**

"**That huge fuckin' cock of yours in my ass, not to mention how hot you are!" Hidan replied, putting a smile on Kakuzu's face.**

"**And I love that tight little ass of yours, not too mention how hot **_**you**_** are!"**

**The two happily smiled at each other for a moment, before Hidan had a wonderful idea.**

"**You wanna sneak into Sasori and Deidara's room later?"**

"**I love you, you masochistic bastard!" Kakuzu said, after nodding.**

"**I love you too, you greedy old man!"**

**Kakuzu leaned in to kiss Hidan, who gladly kissed back.**

**#**

"**So Dei, You want anything to eat?" Sasori asked, getting dressed while Deidara continued to lie in bed.**

"**Anything's fine, just make it snappy."**

"**Yes your Deiness." Sasori said, leaving the room and heading to the kitchen.**

**He got there to find it empty, much to his liking since he might have to make something disgusting. That's when it hit him:  
****Did Dei still have weird cravings?  
****He knew a lot about anatomy, but wasn't as knowledgeable when it came to pregnancy. He was lucky, because as he was about to leave and ask, Zetsu (flytrap still closed) holding Tobi on a leach as a seeing eye moron walked in.**

"**Zetsu, you mind sending Tobi to ask Deidara if he still has cravings?"**

**Zetsu tugged on Tobi's leach twice, signaling him to answer.**

"**Zetsu-san says yes!" Tobi yelled, rushing out of the kitchen after being released.**

**Zetsu stumbled around for a moment, before finding a chair at the table and sitting down. Sasori sat down next to him, knocking on the table to get the even-more-of-a-plantman's attention.**

"**So how'd this happen?"**

**Zetsu mumbled a little, before reaching into his cloak and bringing out a pen. He scribbled on his white hand for a second, and then showed it to the puppet.**

**Sasori studied the hand for a moment, then stared at the fly trap closed around Zetsu's head.**

"**Pein?"**

"**Sasori-san! Deidara sempai said that he's having cravings and whatever you bring him don't forget the Tabasco!" Tobi excitedly said, running back to Zetsu and putting his leach back on. **

**Zetsu and Tobi got up and left, while Sasori went to preparing Deidara's food.**

**#**

**Konan was sitting in her and Pein's room, wondering where the pierced man was and praying that Zetsu didn't eat him.  
****But Zetsu couldn't of, after all Zetsu got lock-trap from whatever he ate, and Pein didn't have tetanus, right?**

'**Maybe I should ask him what he was eating…' Konan thought to herself, getting up to go see the cannibal.**

**She was on the way to Zetsu and Tobi's room again, but met them in the hallway.**

"**Zetsu, who were you eating yesterday?" She asked, Zetsu dropping the leach and his head sinking.**

**He lifted his hand again, at the same time his flytrap somehow slowly coming open.**

"**We're sorry Konan, we found him, and wanted to take care of the body before you saw it…"**

**Konan's eyes filled with tears, as she collapsed onto Zetsu, crying and punching him as he held onto her. Zetsu was one of the first members of the Akatsuki, and sometimes served as a father figure to Konan, since both she and Pein were orphans.**

"**Why didn't you tell me?!" Konan screamed, as she stopped hitting him and held onto his back.**

"_**We didn't want you to get upset, we we're going to wait a few days." **_**Black Zetsu said, as Konan's crying stopped.**

"**Well, can we wake up his other bodies?"**

"**No, the body that died was the only one that could wake the others." White Zetsu said, releasing Konan.**

"**So am I the new leader?" Konan asked.**

"**Temporarily, **_**the new leader is mentioned in Pein's will, **_**so we'll learn after the funeral." **


	18. Chapter 18

"**Zetsu, Pein was dead when you found him, right?" Konan asked, sitting in her new office with the plantman.**

"**Yeah,**_** why?"**_

"**I wanna know who killed him, but make sure no one else knows he's dead until then, alright?"**

"**Understood, leader-sama." White Zetsu said, making Konan feel a little better before he disappeared into the floor.**

**He knew that Sasori and Kakuzu had been arguing with Pein a lot recently, so decided to check on Sasori first. He left for the puppet's room and hid underneath, just so he could hear what was going on. **

"**Dei, remind me to clean the Sandaime's arm blade some time."**

"**Why danna? I mean you'd think having a weapon infected with tetanus would come in handy."**

"**Yeah, but I don't want it to get all rusty and dull."**

**Well that's all Zetsu needed to know, since he developed a slight case of lockjaw after eating the leader. He decided to leave and head back to Konan's office.**

"**We've found the killer."**

"**Well who is it?!" Konan asked, nervous to find out who she might have to kill.**

"**The evidence points towards Sasori, but Deidara might have been involved too."**

**Konan sighed, staring down into her desk before she replied.**

"**Well we can't do anything to either of them, so we might as well just hold the funeral…"**

"**Pein left me instructions that you're to choose which body will be buried."**

"**The one with the ponytail, it was always my favorite." She replied, eyes filling with tears.**

**#**

"**I wonder what happened to Pein, we never did see him after the fight." Kakuzu said, still laying in bed with his boyfriend.**

"**You don't think we killed him, do you?" Hidan asked, a little beam of hope in his voice.**

"**No, at most we should've given him a case of lockjaw, although the effects could be intensified by all of his piercings."**

"**Intensified how?"**

"**Who knows, anything up to momentary heart failure, but that would only last a couple seconds."**

**Zetsu then opened up the door, staring at the two.**

"**I've got some news; Pein's left and won't be back for a few days."**

"**Good, just yesterday the bastard picked a fight with me and Sasori, we kicked his ass." Kakuzu said, intriguing Zetsu as he turned and left.**

**The black and white cannibal walked back to Konan's office, ready to tell her about the fight.**

"**Did you tell everyone?" She asked.**

"**Yeah, we should have a few days to plan the funeral. By the way, did you know that Pein was in a fight with Sasori and Kakuzu?"**

"**No, he never told me about a fight, I guess he just couldn't handle being yelled at by Sasori and just snapped, and now he's gone…"**

"**Don't get upset Konan, now that you're the leader they're yours, **_**so revenge will be yours for the taking."**_

"**Thanks Zetsu, but if Pein died in a fight that he started then I can't blame Sasori or Deidara or anyone…"**

"**Alright, so should we begin working on the funeral arrangements?"**

"**Yeah, we should really get this over with."**

**#**

"**So you wanna go check if Sasori and Deidara's room is empty?" Kakuzu asked, Hidan nodding in response.**

**The two got dressed and headed to Sasori and Deidara's room. They weren't caught on the way and managed to get inside as well.**

"**Make sure to lock the door, we don't want caught." Kakuzu said looking around as Hidan followed his order.**

"**What is this?" Hidan said, turning from the door and seeing a dresser that read "Sasori and Deidara's private place"**

**Kakuzu joined him, staring perv-style at the door, before Hidan tried without success.**

"**Damn thing's locked, help me out please?"**

**Kakuzu nodded and sent one of his threads to open the lock, the door swinging open and both of the intruders giggling at its contents.**

**It was a doctor's white coat, as well as a stethoscope and a small medical bag.**

"**Hidan, if we don't use this we'll regret it the rest of our lives." Kakuzu said, grabbing the coat.**

"**Oh yes Dr. Kakuzu!" Hidan squealed, rushing off to the bed.**

**Kakuzu quickly discarded his cloak and replaced it with the lab coat, after which he put the stethoscope around his neck and grabbed the bag.**

"**So Mr. Hidan," Kakuzu said, turning and facing Hidan, "ready for your physical?" **


	19. Chapter 19

**Kakuzu crawled on top of Hidan, both of them smirking at each other before Kakuzu got his new stethoscope out.**

"**So what's first Dr, Kakuzu?" Hidan asked, watching Kakuzu lick the metal piece of the stethoscope.**

"**First Mr. Hidan we'll check your heartbeat." Kakuzu said, rubbing the cold wet metal piece against Hidan's nipple.**

"**Ooh, Dr. Kakuzu…"**

**Kakuzu replaced the stethoscope with his middle and index fingers to tweaking Hidan's nipple, slowly brushing his other hand down his chest and stomach. Hidan felt Kakuzu's hand enter into his pants reaching down and grabbing onto his balls.**

"**Cough." Kakuzu said, Hidan opening his mouth to but quickly felt Kakuzu's mouth on his.**

**Hidan felt Kakuzu's tongue enter his mouth, exploring every nook and cranny, forcing Hidan to moan. The two sat kissing, Kakuzu playing with Hidan's balls for a moment before feeling his hardened member.**

"**Well Mr. Hidan, I thin I need to take your temperature." Kakuzu aid, pulling a rectal thermometer out of the bag.**

**Kakuzu undid Hidan's pants, pulling them to his ankles. He twirled the thermometer around his fingers a few times before forcibly shoving it into him. Hidan let out a quick gasp before he felt the foreign object in him twirling around. He suddenly felt it poke into his prostate, letting out a loud moan, much to Kakuzu's liking.**

"**I think I'll have to perform an exploratory procedure Mr. Hidan." Kakuzu said, undoing his pants and pulling out his member.**

**Hidan got the picture, reaching down to finish taking off his pants and laying on his back, ready for Dr. Kakuzu to fuck him senseless. Kakuzu crawled on top of him a second time, planting a small kiss on him before getting up on his knees and quickly forcing himself into Hidan.**

"**Shit!" Hidan gasped, as Hidan slowly thrusted back rein und raus, until he got a satisfying moan out of Hidan.**

'**There we are…'**

**Kakuzu quickly picked up speed, ramming incredibly faster and deeper, Hidan bucking his hips and screaming.The two became rhythmic with their thrusts, Hidan thinking that he might have to see a real doctor afterwards to see if anything's wrong since his ass alright hurt.**

"**Hidan!...I'm about to come!" Kakuzu screamed, coming into Hidan.**

**Kakuzu quickly pulled out of Hidan, flipping the younger silver haired uke onto his back and pumping his cock. It didn't take much time for Hidan to come into Kakuzu's hand, the two of them falling to the bed and starting a heated kiss, before they both drifted off to sleep.**

**#**

"**So danna, why'd you think Konan wants us in her office?"**

"**Who cares Dei; she's nice and probably won't pull some asshole Pein-like shit." Sasori said, as they reached her new office.**

**They entered to reveal Konan sitting at Pein's usual desk, writing on a few papers with Zetsu standing next to her.  
**

"**I have to go to Ame to collect some very important things, meaning Zetsu will be in charge until I get back."**

"**How long will that take?" Deidara asked.**

"**Only about a day, but you two are to inform the others and not to disturb Zetsu, understood?"**

**Sasori and Deidara nodded, leaving the office to go inform the others.**

"**Zetsu, make sure all the funeral arrangements are taken care of before I get back, I have to get Pein's other bodies and inform Ame he's been killed." She said, staring at the floor.**

"**It's alright; **_**we'll have it done before you get back."**_** Zetsu replied, Konan smiling up at him.**

**Both Zetsu's smiled back, before Konan grabbed onto the older man in a hug.**

"**Thanks for being there for me Zetsu." **

"**It's what I'm here for Konan-chan."**

**The two looked at each other for a second, before they met in a heated kiss.**

**#**

"**So why do you think Zetsu was in there?" Deidara asked as they walked towards Itachi and Kisame's room.**

"**I dunno, probably just helping her out why?"**

"**I dunno." Deidara replied.**

**#**

**Kakuzu woke up for some reason, looking around the room he and Hidan were in.**

"**HOLY SHIT THIS IS SASORI AND DEIDARA'S ROOM!!" He screamed, shocking Hidan up.**

"**So?..." Hidan asked, looking up at the older man.**

"**So You Might Be Pregnant Now!!"**

**Hidan merely looked at Kakuzu for a second, before passing out again.**

**#**

**a/n – What A Twist!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Konan and Zetsu stood kissing, tightly wrapped around each other.**

"**Zetsu…" She breathed, as they took a short breath for air.**

**Zetsu merely stared at her panting, before she grabbed him and pulled him into another kiss. He quickly kissed back, Konan tossing Zetsu into her chair. She climbed onto his lap, Zetsu restarting the kiss this time. Just as they were getting really into it, some a-hole knocked on the door.**

"**Hold on a second!!" Konan yelled, lucky as hell there was no window on the door.**

**She got off of Zetsu, Zetsu quickly getting out of the chair and moving to the side of the desk. Konan got back in the chair, before Sasori opened the door.**

"**We told everyone that you're leaving."**

"**Good, I should be back tomorrow sometime." Konan said, signaling Sasori to leave.**

**The puppet left and closed the door, Konan getting up and walking over to Zetsu.**

"**I'll be right back, keep things from falling apart alright?" She asked, smiling while pressing her head against his chest.**

"**Don't worry about it, **_**we'll try to leave everything as is."**_** Zetsu replied, placing his hand on her back and kissing the top of her head.**

**He let her go, watching her walk out the door before taking a seat in her chair and getting back to work on Pein's funeral arrangements.**

**#**

"**Weird, first Pein leaves after the fight, and then Konan has to go to Ame." Deidara said, as he and Sasori headed back to their room.**

"**Ahh, who cares, all that's on my mind is spending time with you."**

"**Hmm danna, I can think of plenty of ways for us to spend time together, I might even henge into a girl again." Deidara said, before being kissed by Sasori.**

**Sasori ended up pinning the just as horny Deidara against the wall of the hallway, the kiss growing deeper as Sasori ran his hands down to Deidara's waist.**

"**Danna…not yet…come on…" Deidara protested between moans as Sasori began to kiss his neck and reach into his pants.**

**Sasori decided not to listen, instead reaching his hands into Deidara's already tight pants. Deidara decided to stop fighting and let Sasori do whatever he wanted. Sasori reached both hands toward Deidara's member, one opening them up while the other began gently stroking.**

"**Danna…we can't do it here…someone'll catch us…" Deidara said, feeling Sasori's free hand clutch his back as the stroking's speed increased.**

"**That's why the sex will be better." Sasori replied, turning Deidara towards the wall and undoing his own pants.**

**Sasori quickly pulled out his member, stroking it until it was all the way hard, before moving his hand to Deidara's mouth, signaling him to suck. After Deidara had Sasori's fingers coated in saliva, Sasori brought them back and slowly pushed one into Deidara's entrance, receiving a short grunt.**

**Sasori figured he'd ease some of Deidara's pain, and began kissing and nibbling at the back of his neck. He pushed the second finger in and then the third, slowly fingering him.**

"**Danna…!" Deidara moaned, as Sasori found his prostate.**

**Sasori pulled his fingers out of Deidara's entrance and replaced them with his member, slowly thrusting in and out, each thrust hitting Deidara's prostate and bringing him closer to the edge.**

**To further pleasure Deidara, he reached his hand up the blonde's shirt to play with his nipple, as well as kiss the side of his neck, driving the blond completely insane.**

"**Danna…Stop…you're gonna make me come!!" Deidara moaned, while Sasori kept up his steady rhythm of thrusting.**

**Sasori did however stop kissing Deidara's neck, licking the sensitive skin before moving up to start nibbling on his earlobe.**

"**That's the idea Dei." Sasori whispered, before he began thrusting faster, finally setting off Deidara.**

**Deidara emptied himself onto the wall, while he felt Sasori pull out.**

**Deidara turned around to see Sasori's still twitching erection, pulling his pants back up while Sasori folded his cloak over it.**

"**Why…didn't you?" Deidara asked, as Sasori held him around the waist and started leading him down the hallway.**

"**Guess I can't without looking at your pretty face, but don't worry; you still get to be a girl for danna." Sasori said, Deidara smiling up at him.**

**The two walked down the corridor, reaching their room. There was an odd disturbance in their room though, as Sasori and Deidara's doctor fantasy kit was strewn across the room.**

"**Well there goes Dr. Akasuna's gynecology idea, but that don't mean we can't have fem Dei sex!" Sasori said, looking over at the freshly henged Deidara, the two rushing to bed.**


	21. Chapter 21

"**Shit…Why did we have fuckin' do that?!" Hidan asked, pissed at both himself and Kakuzu.**

"**I don't know, maybe you didn't get pregnant? I mean, I am pretty old." Kakuzu said, trying to reassure his albino.**

"**Well I guess you're right, but we can only wait and see."**

"**Why don't we get a pregnancy test? Then we'll know for sure." Kakuzu said, as Hidan nodded.**

**The two immortals got up, exiting the room and heading down the hallway. Itachi and Kisame were walking past them, intrigued about the two.**

"**What are you two doing?" Itachi asked, leaning up against Kisame.**

"**We gotta go buy a pregnancy test." Kakuzu said, shocking Itachi as they walked away.**

"**Who the hell's gonna be pregnant next, Konan?!" Itachi yelled at his blue lover.**

"**Don't worry, I'll put a baby in your butt eventually." Kisame replied.**

"**Alright, wanna practice till then?" Itachi asked, before ol' Blue Che Guevara grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to their room.**

**#**

"**Hot damn danna…I can't believe all the sex we're having recently…" Deidara said clinging to Sasori's chest.**

"**Hey, I wanna have some sex before we have to stop." Sasori replied, getting an odd look in response.**

"**So this isn't cuz' you think I'm sexy, you just wanna have a lot of sex before we can't for a while, I understand." Deidara said, rolling off of Sasori and looking in the opposite direction.**

"**Dei, that's not what I meant, you know that I think you're sexy, come on…" Sasori replied before rolling over and clinging onto Deidara. "I love you, alright?"**

"**Sure danna, you just love the sex more."**

"**Dei, come on, I can understand that you're a little hormonal, but please, forgive me? And you know I love you more than sex, right?" Sasori said, as Deidara finally turned around to face him.**

"**Alright, I guess I believe you, just treat me like more than a blowup doll alright?" Deidara asked, Sasori nodding in response.**

"**So how do you think all of the doctor stuff got messed up?" Sasori asked, Deidara taking his spot back on the puppets chest.**

"**Maybe Itachi and Kisame stole our room again danna, it wouldn't be above them." Deidara replied as Sasori began stroking his hair.**

"**Yeah, maybe we should go ask them, I don't think I'm alone when I say I want the sheets washed after they used them." Sasori said, getting a slight giggle out of his blond.**

"**Let's go ask them, we're not busy." Deidara said, Sasori nodding in response.**

**The two got out of bed and dressed before exiting the room towards Kisame and Itachi's. All that could be heard from outside their room seemed to be the two having sweaty shark on weasel sex, which to Sasori and Deidara said "come on in!"  
****Sasori kicked the door open, revealing Itachi on the bed on his back being deeply penetrated by the blue man. It ended quickly though, as they both stopped and stared at their intruders.**

"**What the fuck are you two doing here?!" Kisame yelled.**

"**Were you two in our room earlier?" Sasori asked, their hosts obviously getting pissed off at them.**

"**We wanted to be, but apparently Kakuzu and Hidan already did!" Itachi yelled.**

"**Ohh, alright, so you guys mind if we watch?" Deidara sarcastically said, Sasori smirking next to him.**

"**Why not?" Kisame said, starting to thrust into Itachi again.**

**Sasori and Deidara looked at the sight for a second before rushing out.**

"**Words…can't describe…horror…" Sasori said as he and Deidara left, heading for Kakuzu and Hidan's room.**

"**I can't believe they did that in front of us…it was sickening…Kisame's got a big…"**

"**Whoa! Has a big what Deidara?!" Sasori asked cutting off the suddenly nervous blond.**

"**Nothing danna, just couldn't help but notice how Kisame has kind of a big…you know…" Deidara said as they reached the room.**

"**Well what if I said I thought Itachi had a nice fuckable little ass?" Sasori said, opening the door.**

"**I'd…get a little…pissed, alright? Let's drop it." Deidara said, taking a quick sweep across the room.**

"**Where are they, if Hidan's pregnant and they're out for drinks like always they're going to injure the baby."**

"**Aright, thank you." Kakuzu said to the store teller.**

**The immortals walked out of the pharmacy with they're pregnancy test, nervous wrecks about the Jashinist's state.**


	22. Chapter 22

"**Kakuzu, I don't know if I can do it…" Hidan said, standing at the entrance of their bathroom with his test.**

"**It's simple Hidan, you pee on the stick and wait a few minutes, what's so hard?" Kakuzu asked, aggravating the Jashinist.**

"**I mean I'm fuckin' nervous, I mean I can't be pregnant!"**

"**Don't worry Hidan, I mean Deidara's pregnant and he usually seems ok." Kakuzu said, getting up and wrapping his arms around Hidan's waist.**

"**Alright…but if I'm pregnant I can't do my rituals! How the hell am I supposed to please Jashin-sama if I can't do my rituals?"**

"**Jashin won't mind, you're his most devout follower, a few months won't make a difference to him."**

"**I guess…" Hidan replied, walking into the bathroom.**

**#**

"**Hey danna, wanna check if Kakuzu and Hidan are in their room yet?"**

"**Why not." Sasori replied, as they once again got up to check on the immortals.**

**They walked to their room, knocking on the door and hearing Kakuzu shout "It's open."  
****They entered, finding the masked man leaning against the bed and Hidan apparently in the bathroom.**

"**Did you two have sex in our room?" Deidara asked, catching Kakuzu's attention.**

"**Yeah sorry, we kinda used your doctor stuff too."**

**Deidara turned red at the thought of the stitched up old man in the doctor's coat that had so many times hung above him during sex.**

"**Is Hidan pregnant?" Sasori asked, Kakuzu shrugging in response.**

"**He's in the bathroom with a pregnancy test now, he should be out soon."**

**The blond and the puppet turned to face the bathroom door, the silver haired Jashinist almost simultaneously jumping out and tackling Kakuzu to the bed.**

"**It was negative?!" He asked, happy of the bullet he just dodged.**

**He looked up to see Hidan's eyes full of tears and a blue plus-sign on the test.  
****The bounty hunter's black and green eyes grew giant before rolling part way back into his head as he dropped to the bed.**

"**Kuzu!" He yelled, slapping the older man in the face trying to wake him up.**

"**Over a hundred years I've been alive…and now I'm gonna have a kid…"**

"_**We're **_**gonna have a fuckin' kid, I'm immortal too Kuzu."**

"**Good, back in Taki people like me would end up alone with their kids, and now I've got you." Kakuzu said, as he and Hidan met in a hug.**

"**I love you Hidan."**

"**I love you more Kuzu."**

**#**

"_**And…**_**Done!" Zetsu said, as the last of Pein's funeral arrangements were finished.**

"**You know, we're damn lucky Pein died." White Zetsu said as he leaned back in the chair.**

"_**How so?"**_

"**Well spending all day in a building where everyone's gay, and all of a sudden we're making out with the only woman."**

"_**A point you have my friend, but do you really think we'll get any farther with her?"**_

"**It's us or Tobi, and no one wants Tobi. Besides, I always felt something coming from here, you know?"**

"_**Like a weird vibe? Yeah, I got that too, but let's focus on one thing: Getting laid."**_

"**That's what I'm talkin' about!" White Zetsu replied, giving himself a high-five.**

**Konan walked through the door, smiling at the plant man and quickly taking her place on his lap.**

"**Did you get all the arrangements done?"**

"_**Yeah, all that's left is the funeral itself." **_

"**Mmm, that deserves a reward." She said, pulling him into a kiss.**

**The cannibal kissed back, taking control of the kiss (zwei geggen eins) and pushing his tongue in her mouth and exploring around. She let out a small moan before they stopped for air. His yellow eyes stared into her blue, the two quickly meeting in a tight hug.**

"**Zetsu, I want you to make love to me."**

**The plantman released the blue haired woman and stared at her for a moment, asking for an explanation.**

"**Pein and I were like siblings, nothing ever happened between us, I need you, you can do all of the things he couldn't, you could love me in more ways than he ever could…" She said, accidentally unloading a lot to think about to the schizophrenic.**

**With everything she just said Zetsu figured there would be a lot of commitment and lovey-dovey stuff in store for him if he were to continue with her.**

"**Our room or your's?" Zetsu asked, deciding that if she needed him he would be there for her.**

**Konan gripped him in another big hug, a stream of crocodile tears escaping from one eye.**

"**Mine please, I don't want Tobi walking in on us."**

**The plantman picked her up bridal style and carried her into her room, lucky that her office and room were connected. She was carried into her bed and met Zetsu in a kiss which was broken quickly as the two stared at each other again.**

"**Zetsu, do you love me?" Konan asked, risking her new boyfriend, but she needed to know.**

**Zetsu blankly stared at her for a moment before planting another small kiss on her.**

"**Yes, **_**I think we've all loved each other for a long time."**_


	23. Chapter 23

**a/n – I've been straying from the main storyline a lot, so this chapter is mainly Sasodei.**

**#**

"**Zetsu…That was amazing!..." Konan said, cuddling up to the plantman.**

"**You're welcome Konan, **_**you weren't too bad yourself."**_

"**Zetsu, promise me every time we make love it'll be like that."**

"_**You don't have to worry about that, **_**we're guaranteed to please."**

**#**

"**So now me **_**and**_** Hidan are pregnant? This is really fucked up, what if our kids end up going out or something?"**

"**Getting a little ahead of yourself Dei, We haven't even had him yet."**

"**And what if Itachi gets pregnant, then Zetsu would end up getting Tobi pregnant, then Pein would knock up Konan, this is all way too fucked up!" Deidara cried, falling into Sasori's arms.**

"**It's alright Dei, you should stop worrying about everyone else and just remember that you have me."**

**The blond clung to Sasori, crying his blue eyes out as Sasori rubbed his back.**

"**Danna, I'd go crazy without you, I'm happy you're the one who put a baby in me."**

"**And I'm glad that you're the one carrying our baby, we're gonna kick ass as dads."**

"**I love you danna."**

"**Love you too Dei."**

"**I can't wait to have our baby, and I hope she looks like you."**

"**Why do you want him to look like me?"**

"**Because I want to have the most beautiful baby in the world."**

"**Then the baby will have to look like you."**

**They both chuckled and moved to sit on their bed, still in each other's arms.**

"**Danna, how long after I have the baby until we can have sex again?"**

**This question confused the puppet, since he figured he'd be the one asking that.**

"**Well at least until you recover from your c-section." The puppet replied, pleasing the blond.**

"**That won't take long, will it?"**

"**No, not really."**

**The two giggled again for a minute, before Zetsu opened the door.  
****Zetsu didn't look like himself, this time he looked like he just got out of bed after a night of hot sex. He only had a few of the buttons on his cloak buttoned, he only had one shoe on, and he had a mark on his white neck that looked like a hicky, but this was Zetsu, it couldn't be.**

"_**Konan's holding a meeting, **_**everyone has to come."**

"**What's with you Zetsu, you get laid or something?" Deidara asked, making the plantman nervous.**

"**Of coarse not, we were uh…**_**Training with Tobi!"**_** He replied, not quite sure if his new relationship should be open yet.**

"**Training how?" Deidara asked, pervyness in his voice.**

"**Perv, leave us alone and get to the meeting." Zetsu replied, sinking into the ground.**

"**Wonder what she wants?" Sasori asked as the artists got up to leave.**

"**Who cares danna, so long as Pein isn't back yet we're fine." Deidara replied, wrapping an arm around the puppet's waist and leaning against him.**

**They were the last to enter the office, everyone standing around while Zetsu was back at his spot next to Konan, the blue haired woman in her chair.  
****For some reason she had her own hair down, and what looked like a hicky on her neck.**

"**I'm afraid I have some terrible news, Pein-sama has been killed."**

**Kakuzu Hidan Sasori and Deidara became panicked, unaware that they fight had led to the pierced nin's death.**

"**According to his will, which I and Zetsu read earlier, I have been appointed as the new leader, and as my first act I appoint Zetsu as my new partner."**

**The plantman's black half smiled and his white face didn't change, making it appear like he was smirking.**

"**You're now dismissed."**

**They all left the room but Zetsu, who began staring down at his lover.**

"**Making us your new partner?"**

"**I can't have you still sharing a room with Tobi, then we'd never be together. Besides, it's not like you would argue with leader-sama's orders now would you?"**

"**Of coarse not Leader-chan," Zetsu said, sitting on her lap to be eye level with her, **_**"So ready to have another hot, sweaty love making session?" **_

**The answer was a forceful kiss, which the two deepened as Zetsu pushed his tongue in her mouth.**

"**Zetsu…Let's do it on the desk…"**

"**A little bit kinky Konan, **_**we like."**_

**#**

"**So danna, do you think we killed Pein?" Deidara asked as they both laid in bed together.**

"**No, I think I killed Pein, so if Konan asks it was me."**

**Deidara knew there would probably be severe consequences for whoever killed the Ame nin, and also knew that if Sasori took all the heat he'd probably be killed.**

"**No danna, we were all involved, and I won't let you take all the blame, I won't let them take you from me." The blond replied, clinging to his danna's side.**

"**Thanks…" The puppet replied, kissing the bomber on the forehead and stroking his back, slowly easing him to sleep. "I love you Dei."**

"**I love you too danna…"**


	24. Chapter 24

"**Z-Zetsu…ahh!" Konan moaned as Zetsu was thrusting into her.**

"**Konan!..."**

"**Zetsu!...I love you!…"**

**Zetsu leaned forward and began kissing Konan who quickly kissed back. Zetsu continued thrusting into her, gripping her waist and hitting her g-spot.  
****The door to the office suddenly swung open, as Itachi walked in.**

"**Konan-sama I wanted…" He got out before seeing his new leader on her back on the desk with her legs wrapped around Zetsu's waist.**

**An explosion of blood came from his nose as he collapsed backwards, landing against the door and accidentally closing it.**

"**That was close…" Konan said, staring up at Zetsu, who stared down at her with the same confused look. "Wanna keep going?"**

**Both Zetsus smiled as he lifted up Konan's legs, thrusting into her once before leaning in so they were face to face.**

"_**Hell yeah Konan-sama!"**_** Black Zetsu said as leant down and kissed her again as he started thrusting.**

**#**

'**Where's Itachi, he was just supposed to be asking Konan if we could use Sasori and Deidara's room.' Kisame thought, waiting on his weasel to come back.**

**Sasori and Deidara opened up the door, slightly confusing the sapphire revolutionary.**

"**Kisame, have you seen Zetsu anywhere?" Sasori asked.**

"**No, why?"**

"**Oh, I got bored and accidentally blew our floor open, and there was a family of clowns living down there, so we were gonna have Zetsu get rid of them." Deidara replied, confusing the sharkman.**

"**Right…Well maybe Konan knows where he is, I sent Itachi down to see her a while ago, so if you see him can you send him back here?"**

"**Sure, thanks." Sasori said as he and Deidara left.**

**#**

"_**Konan!...**_**We can't hold it any longer!…**_**let us go!…"**_** Zetsu said, trying to break free of her legs.**

"**No…inside me…come inside me!..." She replied, gripping her legs harder around his waist.**

**He really didn't want to risk it, since he wasn't wearing a condom, and had no idea whether or not she was on the pill.**

**On the other hand he couldn't exactly stop thrusting, and was near it anyway, plus Konan was his girlfriend and his boss, so he might as well let it go.**

"**Ahh!...Konan!!" He yelled, exploding into her.**

"**Zetsu!!" She moaned, as the plantman collapsed on her.**

"**Oh God…I love you Zetsu…"**

"**We love you too Konan…"**

**Sasori and Deidara shoved the door open, pushing Itachi's unconscious body out of the way and revealing their naked leader and cannibal, the puppet and blond having similar reactions to Itachi, only without the passing out.**

"**Are you two having sex?..." Sasori asked, finding it impossible to stop staring.**

"_**Someone was gonna find out eventually,**_** should we tell them?" Zetsu asked Konan.**

"**I guess, it'll be a little awkward if we don't tell."**

"**It's already a little awkward you two, mind explaining?" Deidara asked, also staring at the two.**

"**Zetsu and I have been dating for a little while ok? We both love each other and don't need any criticism, so we didn't tell anyone." Konan explained, as Itachi got up.**

"**Wha…What happened? Where am OH MY GOD!!" The Uchiha screamed, staring at the figures on the desk.**

"**Calm down, it's not like you've never seen two adults having sex before." Konan said, as the Uchiha got up and ran out yelling for Kisame.**

"**Well um, we'll get out of your pubes-HAIR I said hair…" Sasori said, staring at the two as he and Deidara backed out of the office and shut the door, slowly walking back to their room in awkward silence.**

**Once they made it they moved straight to their bed, cuddling up to each other.**

"**Danna?"**

"**Yeah Dei?"**

"**That was weird."**

"**I know Dei, I know."**

"**You know danna, I always thought Konan dyed her hair blue."**

"**Apparently not, and Zetsu's a natural green, who knew."**

"**Konan did."**

"**Yeah, like you said, it's weird, yet…"**

"**Yet what danna?" Deidara asked, wondering what else the sight could've been.**

"**Yet…oddly arousing." **

**Deidara looked at him oddly for a moment, before he felt the puppet's lips on his own.**

"**You wanna have a little sex?"**

**Deidara nodded, meeting the puppet in another kiss as the redhead lightly grabbed his back. The blond opened his eyes or a moment, suddenly reminded of their infestation.**

"**Dammit danna, we forgot about the clowns." He moaned as Sasori was kissing his neck.**

"**So just blow em' up, I'll wait."**

**Deidara nodded and got up, grabbing his bag of clay and pulling out a lump feeding it to his hand as he looked into the hole full of frolicking clowns. He made an odd face as they looked up at him, before molding a small flower and tossing it at them.**

"**Katsu." He said, as the hole erupted in flames for a second before it was gone.**

"**Now Dei," Sasori said, as said pregnant blond turned to see his naked danna laying in bed. "where were we?"**


	25. Chapter 25

"**Can you believe it Dei, in just a couple weeks you'll be in your third trimester, then only a few more months and then little Ebizou or Shiore'll be around, and our lives will change forever…" Sasori said, rubbing the pregnant bomber's belly while the blond sat in his lap.**

"**Yeah, then he'll get older, we'll teach him different jutsu, then when he's eighteen and we invite him over for Christmas he'll say he can't because he's spending it with his girlfriend's parents. He's only known the skank two weeks danna! Two weeks and we raised him for eighteen fuckin' years!! She'll leave him just as soon as she figures out he has two dads and break my boy's heart!! I'll kill the bitch!!" Deidara yelled, as Sasori had to start restraining him.**

"**Let's just worry about getting him out of you first, and since when did you want a boy?"**

"**Since I decided I don't like the name you gave him, I wanna name him something else."**

"**Really, what's so wrong with Ebizou?"**

"**It just sounds so…old, let's name him something else."**

"**Fine, what'd you have in mind?"**

"**Ok, how about…Tsuba?" **

"**Tsuba…that sounds alright, but I'm gonna have a hard time explaining it to Ebizou."**

"**Forget Ebizou, it's our kid."**

"**I know, I know." Sasori said, stroking Deidara's hair as the blond started to fall asleep. "I love you Dei."**

"**Love you danna…" Deidara mumbled, curling up and falling asleep.**

**#**

"**Ahh fuckin' shit!!" Hidan yelled before retching into the toilet again.**

"**It's alright, this'll be gone before you know it." Kakuzu said rubbing the immortal's back.**

"**I want it gone fuckin' now!..."**

"**You'll just have to wait. Now in a few months you can get a sonogram, you want one?"**

"**Was die Hölle****," Hidan said, turning around to signal he was finished. "Couldn't hurt."**

"**Alright, you want some mouthwash or something?"**

"**Yeah, I hate this acidy taste, dammit."**

**Kakuzu smiled and mussed up Hidan's hair, grabbing a bottle of Listerine and handing it to the younger man. **

"**I'll go get you something to eat, anything specific?"**

"**How about a sandwich with…bacon and whipped cream." Hidan said, filling the bottle's cap with mouthwash before he began swishing it.**

"**Eww, alright." Kakuzu said, helping his lover up before leaving for the kitchen.**

**The stitched old man exited his and Hidan's room, walking down the hallway into the kitchen. Itachi, Kisame, and Tobi were all sitting there already, the shark and the weasel lost in conversation.**

"**But it was Zetsu, **_**in**_** Konan! And it was all weird and, eww!" The weasel said, not impressing his blue lover.**

"**So? I'm a blue sharkman, what d'you think someone would do walking in on us? Besides, it was weeks ago."**

"**How come Zetsu-san never did stuff like that with me?" Tobi asked.**

"**Because he doesn't like you like he likes Konan."**

**Kakuzu continued in, reaching in the fridge and pulling out a can of whipped cream and a pack of bacon.  
****The others looked at him with disgust, as he put a frying pan on the stove and grabbed the loaf of bread.**

"**What are you doing?" Itachi asked, as Kakuzu ripped open the pack of bacon and tossed it in the pan.**

"**Making Hidan a sandwich, you'd have cravings like this too if you were pregnant." Kakuzu replied, irritating the Uchiha.**

"**Kisame, I really want a baby!"**

"**What do you want me to do, Sasori and Deidara won't let us in their room and every time we sneak in we're caught."**

**The Uchiha grumbled and pouted, señor Hoshigaki pulling him closer to him and patting his back.**

"**You two are weird." Kakuzu said, taking the freshly fried bacon and putting it on a slice of bread before spraying the whipped cream on.**

"**Kakuzu said, making a whipped cream and bacon sandwich for his pregnant boyfriend." Kisame replied, Itachi and Tobi giggling.**

"**Yeah, make sure to tell me when you get a baby, Itachi." Kakuzu said, walking out with Hidan's sandwich.**

**He walked back to his and Hidan's room to find the other immortal laying on his back, appearing asleep.**

"**Dumbass…" Kakuzu mumbled, walking to his lover and joining him in bed. "Make me get you a sandwich then fall asleep."**

**Hidan unconsciously cuddled up to his seme, nuzzling into his neck. Kakuzu smirked and held the sandwich to the uke, who sniffed it a little before taking a bite.**

"**Sure you're asleep, but how could you eat this?" Kakuzu asked, sniffing the sandwich himself before taking a small bite.**

**Kakuzu suddenly found his third love in the world, and it was a very odd sandwich.**

"**Holy shit this is good…" He whispered to himself, taking another bite from the sandwich.**

**He looked down to see his albino biting on his arm, obviously looking for his sandwich. Then came the choice:  
****Sex or sandwich.  
****He could always make another sandwich, but he wanted the sandwich now! On the other hand, If he ate the sandwich Hidan would get mad and he couldn't have sex for a while, what to do…**

"**Here you go." He said, putting the sandwich back in Hidan's face and watching him eat.**

**#**

"**Zetsu, why'd you ever leave Kusa?" Konan asked while the two laid in bed cuddling.**

"**It's a long story, but in a nutshell the daimyo's daughter went missing, **_**and we got blamed." **_**Zetsu replied, intriguing his blue haired lover.**

"**Did you eat her?"**

"**No, no, **_**we just happened to walk into his office after eating and he freaked out."**_

"**Zetsu, would you eat me?" **

"**Not if our lives depended on it."**

**Konan giggled, before suddenly clutching her stomach in pain. She rolled out of Zetsu's arms and ran to the bathroom, the sound of vomiting following. Zetsu ran after her, holding her hair back as she gagged into the toilet.**

"**What happened, **_**are you alright?"**_

"**I don't know, I just, just felt really sick all of a sudden…"**

"**Well finish up in here then get to bed, **_**you should be resting."**_


	26. Chapter 26

"**Sasori, Deidara," Zetsu said, bursting into their room,**_** "Konan and us need everyone in our office now."**_

"**Again? At least when Pein was in charge we didn't have to go to his stupid office every five minutes." Deidara replied, he and his danna getting up and leaving.**

"**Damn that plantman and his girlfriend, you know since Konan took over we haven't had a moment to ourselves danna."**

"**Relax, once our baby is born they won't bother us for weeks, and even after we'll have to take care of him." Sasori said trying to reassure Deidara while putting his arm around his waist.**

"**I guess you're right danna."**

**They continued back to their leader's office to find they were the only ones there besides their leader, followed by Zetsu. The cannibal locked the door and stood above the artists before Konan cleared her throat to get their attention.**

"**You two are fully aware of mine and Zetsu's relationship right?" She asked, Sasori and Deidara nodding in response.**

"**Well we may have a little problem, and we need you to get us something."**

"**What Konan-sama?" Deidara asked, a little intimidated by the flytrap above his head.**

"**You need to go into town and buy me a…" She said, looking over at Zetsu who slowly nodded for a second "…A pregnancy test..."**

"**You mean you're…" Is all Sasori got out before Konan started nodding.**

"**But won't it look weird since I'm already so…pregnant looking?"**

"**I don't know, just use Hiruko or something." Konan said, exiting the desk and going for her room.**

"**I don't use puppets, I don't know how!"**

"**Listen, just Sasori can go, **_**Konan's just been under a lot of stress lately since we found out."**_

"**We understand, I'll go get her a test." Sasori replied, getting up and leaving with his blond.**

"**Danna, have I ever acted like that?" Deidara asked, leaning against the puppet while being escorted back to his room.**

"**Not really, you've taken the pregnancy pretty well."**

"**Good, I don't know what you'd do if I was ever like that."**

"**I'd still love you and put up with it Dei, that's what I do." Sasori said, as they reached the room.**

**The redhead kissed his blond before turning around and heading back down the hallway. Right before reaching the door Tobi started approaching him.**

"**Sasori-san, Tobi wanted to ask you something about Zetsu-san…"**

"**What?" For some reason, he didn't feel like being a douche towards the idiot.**

"**Do you think Zetsu-san likes me?"**

"**Well yeah, he's always nice to you and stuff."**

"**Not like that, I mean like he likes Konan-sama…" He replied, staring down at the floor.**

**Sasori looked at him with a slightly shocked expression, before placing his hand on the boy's shoulder.**

"**Sorry Tobi, but he **_**only **_**likes Konan like that." **

**He couldn't believe it. He was just nice to Tobi. No one but Zetsu was ever nice to him, mainly because he was annoying and childish, but he just seemed so sad that he couldn't help himself.**

"**But don't worry, maybe someday you'll find someone like that." He finished, smiling as Tobi walked away.**

**Usually when Sasori left to go into town without Deidara he'd use Hiruko, but since this was just a trip to the pharmacy he could just go as himself. He made it to town relatively quickly, stopping at the pharmacy for the pregnancy test. He was on his way out when he noticed the bakery was having a sale on pie, which meant a few brownie points (bad pun) for him. He stopped in, getting an apple pie for his lover before heading back for the base. He walked back into the base, stopping in his and Deidara's room quickly to give him the pie.**

"**Dei, guess who got you something…" Sasori said, entering the room with the pie behind his back.**

"**Ooh, danna, watcha bring me?" He asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.**

"**Close your eyes and you'll see."**

**The blond obeyed, closing his eyes as Sasori placed the pie under his face and letting the fumes rise to his nose.**

"**You Got Me A Pie?!" Deidara yelled as he started to cry.**

"**Save me some ok, I still gotta give Konan her test." Sasori said as his bomber grabbed onto him.**

"**Hurry up danna…" Deidara said, letting go of the puppet and watching as he walked out the door.**

**Sasori walked back to Konan's office to find Zetsu sitting at her desk talking to himself about something.**

"_**Didja get it?"**_** He asked before Sasori threw him the tiny box containing the test.**

"**Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a blond and a pie waiting on me." Sasori said, exiting and heading back to his room.**


	27. Chapter 27

"**Well Dei, you're finally in the third trimester, three months to go." Sasori said, cuddling with the blond.**

"**I know danna, so did Zetsu or Konan tell you weather or not she's pregnant?" Deidara asked as Sasori started playing with his hair.**

"**No, but who cares, our baby would totally turn out better than theirs." **

"**A valid point danna, I think He'll turn out more normal than Kakuzu and Hidan's baby too."**

**Sasori giggled, kissing Deidara on the forehead, though quickly moving and kissing his mouth. Deidara began kissing back, Sasori seeing it as a sign that he was allowed to go further. He moved down to his neck and slowly reached down to his crotch.**

"**Danna…no…wait…"**

**Sasori pulled off, looking up at his blond.**

"**Since I'm in the last trimester, I think we should stop for a while…"**

**Sasori sighed, cuddling back up with his bomber.**

"**Alright, but we can still do other stuff, right?"**

"**Sure danna, the door's locked but you can still play outside." Deidara said, before he felt Sasori's lips crash against his.**

**#**

"**One month down, eight to go Hidan." Kakuzu said to the immortal in his lap.**

"**Yeah, Kakuzu I've been wondering something…"**

"**What, I'm not really an expert but-"**

"**Can we still fuck?" The Jashinist asked, the confusion clear in his voice.**

**Kakuzu smirked, quickly tossing off his mask and gripping Hidan around the waist. He slowly began pushing his hands into Hidan's already tight pants, leaning in to whisper into his ear.**

"**Would you like to be told or would you prefer I showed you?" He asked, shortly before moving south and sucking on his neck.**

**#**

"**Konan, do you think we can keep your pregnancy from the others for a while?" Zetsu asked, Konan as she sat in her desk.**

"**Maybe, eventually I'll get fat and they'll start to wonder."**

"_**You won't be fat, **_**you'll be pregnant."**

"**So why do you want to hide it?"**

"**Everyone flipped when they found out we were involved, naturally they'll do the same when they find out we're having a baby. **_**Besides, keeping secrets from people can be kinda fun."**_

"**My evil little plant, come here." Konan said, spinning her chair to face said cannibal, signaling him to sit.**

"**Our kid will be so much better than everyone else's." He said, sitting on her lap and wrapping his arms around her.**

**#**

**Sasori and Deidara had been kissing for near a full minute now, the blond having his arms locked around the puppet, who was holding his bomber's back with one arm and the back of his head with the other. A line of drool had escaped their mouths and was streaming down Deidara's cheek.  
****Sasori soon pulled off, both of them needing air.**

"**Danna…I love – OW!" Deidara yelled gripping his stomach.**

"**Dei, are you alright, is it the baby?!" **

"**I'm fine OW! Danna, he's just movin' around and OW! Bumping into stuff, we're fine…" Deidara reassured his danna.**

"**Ok, so I guess you don't want me to-" Was as far as Sasori got before his blond pounced on him, restarting the kiss.**

**The puppet soon took control back though, flipping the bomber on his back on hovering over him. Soon enough Deidara was letting out small protesting moans, signaling the puppet to stop.**

"**Danna…Can you please…give me…" Deidara asked, hoping his danna could figure it out.**

"**So I'm not allowed to do anything, but you get head whenever you want?"**

"**Please danna, I really **_**really **_**need it!" Deidara whined, now begging.**

"**Alright, but you're gonna owe me." Sasori replied, slowly sliding down the blond until reaching his crotch.**

**He slowly undid his uke's pants and pulled his already half hard cock out, slowly stroking it while licking his balls. Once it was completely hard the redhead began sucking the head, running rings around with his tongue and pumping the shaft before completely taking the blond in his mouth. He continued sliding up and down the blonde's length, running his tongue across every delicious vein, fondling his balls and waiting for him to explode.**

"**Danna, can I…come on your face?..." Deidara asked, shocking the redhead.**

'**He's pregnant, I'll let him have his way this once.' Sasori thought, pulling off of Deidara and stroking him, staring down at the pulsing organ until it exploded white cream over most of his face. He licked his lips and wiped the little Deidaras from himself, crawling on top of a now on his back Deidara.**

"**Remember when I said you owe me? Well I've got a stiffy that could kill a moose and someone to take care of it." He said, resting on his knees on Deidara's chest and lifting the blonde's head.**

"**You want a blowjob too?" He weakly asked, confused when Sasori shook his head no.**

"**Just hold your head still and try to enjoy it." Sasori said, pulling his cock out and sliding it in Deidara's mouth, thrusting it in and out. Deidara figured he wouldn't like it, that it would just be like sucking him, but found out it was kind of enjoyable. It might have had something to do with Sasori's free hand tweaking his nipple, but he figured he might do something like this again.**

"**Dei…I'm almost there…I'm gonna come in your mouth ok?" Sasori groaned, the blond gripping his sides to agree. The puppet released into Deidara's mouth, falling on his side as the bomber swallowed.**

"**Heh, guess we can't stay away from each other Dei…"**

"**As long as the baby's fine I've got no problem with it danna…"**


	28. Chapter 28

"**Well Dei, two more months to go, excited?" Sasori asked his blond.**

"**Very, especially to find out whether or not he's a he danna, but something's been bugging me…"**

"**What Dei, if something's bothering you now you should really tell me about it."**

"**No danna, it's not about the baby, it's just," The blond started, getting off of Sasori's lap and laying down in bed. "We've only got two months and we don't have a crib, a changing table, diapers, bottles, anything we need."**

"**I really shouldn't tell you this Dei…" The puppet replied, standing up and joining his lover on the bed. "But it'll be covered, the other ukes are…"**

"**Are what danna?" Deidara asked, his eyes gleaming with excitement.**

"**They're throwing you a shower."**

**Deidara stared wide eyed at his redheaded danna for a moment, before letting out the loudest shriek anyone in the Akatsuki or nearby villages had ever heard. The blond pounced on his seme, squeezing him almost to the point of breaking him in two before letting go.**

"**This must be the greatest thing to ever happen to me danna!!"**

"**They invited your mom and sister by the way, so try not to mention me."**

"**Danna, she's probably forgotten all about that, so when is it?!"**

"**In two days, oh and my grandma is coming too."**

"**Why'd you invite her?"**

"**Cause the woman raised not only my dad but me, and you'd like our baby to turn out like me wouldn't you?"**

"**I guess danna, but I'd prefer him turning out like me.**

**#**

"**You're really gonna help throw Deidara a shower, even after he blew you up and made you lose your testicle?" Kakuzu asked his silver haired lover as they sat in the kitchen.**

"**Hey, now that I know what he's going through I understand. Besides, me having one nut isn't so fuckin' bad."**

"**So it's gonna be Deidara, you, Itachi, Deidara's mom and sister, and Konan, so that means about five gifts, what're you getting him?"**

"**The crib, but don't worry your cheap ass about it, I'm gonna pay."**

**#**

"**Itachi, I thought you were all pissed at Deidara since he won't let you use his room." Kisame said, replied by an evil look in the uke's eyes.**

"**Yeah, but I figure they're gonna be so grateful it was my idea they'll let us use it."**

"**Was it your idea?"**

"**Yes, all part of my evil plan to get pregnant." Itachi replied, painting a mixture of confusion and pity on the blue man's face.**

**#**

"**So Konan, you sure you're alright to go t o the shower?" Zetsu's white side asked.**

"**Of coarse, but if I do get morning sickness I'll be able to come up with a pretty ok excuse." The blue haired woman replied, interesting the cannibal.**

"_**How so? Nothing to do with us I hope." **_**Dark Zetsu said, getting a slight giggle from his origami master girlfriend.**

"**No, but back when Pein was my partner I would always have to come up with an excuse for being late to one of his meetings."**

"_**Ahh, **_**our crafty little Konan."**

**#**

"**So mom, you're sure you can come to Dei's shower without trying to kill his boyfriend right?"**

"**Oh Ebi, you know me, if I see that puppet I'll rip him in half like a phonebook." The woman replied with a big happy smile, irritating her daughter.**

"**Listen mom, I'll try to convince him to propose, he may be a little scared after you tried to blow him up."**

"**And I'll keep trying to blow him up until he makes an honest man of my Deidara!"**

"**Mom, you're crazy, and that's accomplishing something with our family history." The younger woman replied, leaving the angry Kiribati in the living room to calm down.**


	29. Chapter 29

**Wollt ihr das bett in flammen sehen?  
****Ja?**

**#**

"**Alright Dei, now can you pretend to be excited so they don't yell at me for telling you?" Sasori said, holding his pregnant uke's hand in front of the entrance to the base.**

"**Sure danna, just try not to have too much fun while I'm at the shower." The blond replied, walking in with his seme and noticing the decorations and other ukes waiting on him.**

"**Surprise Dei, I decided to put something together for you!" Itachi said, hugging the bomber in a very un-Itachi like way.**

"**Uh…wow…thanks Itachi-san!" Deidara replied as the Uchiha released him.**

"**We've all gotten you something, plus me and Konan made some food so let's go!"**

**Sasori waved and walked to the main corridor, watching his boyfriend being dragged into the living room by the eccentric ex-Konoha nin. He figured he had nothing better to do, so he'd go see what the other semes were up to. He wandered into Kakuzu's room, finding the banker balancing his checkbook.**

"**Hey, up to anything?" The puppet asked, catching the stitched man's attention. **

"**No, wanna go see what Kisame and Zetsu are doing, since all of our ukes are at the shower?" He asked, receiving a nod as they got up and headed for the Argentine…I mean **_**ex-Kiri **_**revolutionary's room.**

**The blue man was sitting at his desk and scribbling something own on a piece of paper. This really didn't intrigue the elder Akatsuki, but they figured what the hell and asked about it anyway.**

"**Kisame, what're you up to?" The redhead asked, catching the sharkman off guard.**

"**Oh, I'm writing the memoirs of my life, I'm up to the first night me and Itachi spent together."**

"**Right…So you wanna hang out?" Kakuzu replied, receiving a quick nod as the swordsman joined them.**

"**Let's go get Zetsu and we can do whatever." Sasori said, as they went off to retrieve the last seme.**

**When they reached the cannibal's room they were immediately intrigued, since the door was shut and the plantman was trying something with himself.**

"_**Alright, but no using your foot this time."**_

"**I told you, it was an accident, now are we gonna do this or not?"**

"_**Yeah, yeah, record books here we come!"**_

"**One, two, three, go!"**

**The three men outside just listened for anything else, but when nothing else come out they decided just to barge in. It wasn't exactly what they thought, in fact it was just the crazed man spinning around in an office chair.**

"**What…**_**do**_**…you…**_**want?"**_** He asked, slowly coming to a stop.**

"**What're you…What're you doing there Zetsu?" Kisame asked.**

"**Trying to beat the world record for most consecutive spins in an office chair," White Zetsu said, as if an S-ranked criminal trying to break a world record for spinning in a chair wasn't a tad off. **_**"Damn, we only got fifteen this time!"**_

"**How did that d-bag get thirty-two, he had to of cheated somehow."**

"**So you wanna hang out since Konan's at the shower?" Sasori asked as the plantman got up.**

"**Why not, **_**there's no way in hell we're beating that record."**_

******  
"So Sasori, what is it we're gonna do?" Kakuzu asked as they stood outside of Zetsu's room.**

"**Hmm…Wanna go get plastered?"**

**#**

"**Seriously Itachi, I can't see why you want pregnant." Deidara said to the Uchiha as they sat on the couch.**

"**Well me and Kisame really want a baby, it's been that way ever since we found out about you and Sasori."**

"**Yeah, but if you think about it, all the ukes that didn't want pregnant are, and you're the only one who isn't."**

**Konan froze in place after hearing the blond, who somehow found out about her pregnancy. She figured it must've been Zetsu, and she immediately came up with ways to horribly torture the craze flytrap.**

"**Well, everyone but Konan." Deidara finished, relieving the blue haired woman. "Now I can see wanting a kid, but being pregnant is a bitch."**

"**I fuckin' second." Hidan said, taking a seat with the others.**

"**I know that'll suck, but in the end I think it's worth it."**

"**But to go through nine weeks of back ache swollen ankles and loss of bladder control I don't think me and danna will ever have another."**

"**Same here, I have no idea what me and Kakuzu were thinking when we broke into your room and used that doctor thing."**


	30. Chapter 30

**The shower was going perfectly, no one got in a fight, died, broke anything, not so much as a single explosion, perfect.  
****Who do we know that could ruin this?  
****A knock came at the door, catching everyone's attention.**

"**I'll get it, no one move!" Itachi said, rushing to the door as everyone went back to whatever they were doing.**

"**Wonder who that could be, since everyone's already here." Deidara said to Hidan, the immortal replying with a shrug.**

"**Do you know anyone else who could've been invited?"**

"**Dei, guess who showed up for you!" Itachi said, revealing his mom, sister, and Chiyo.**

"**Mom, Ebi, Chiyo baa-chan!" Deidara squealed, hugging the women respectively.**

"**Baa-chan, so Sasori proposed, you're getting married?!" Kiribati happily yelled, grabbing her son's shoulders.**

"**Um…sorry mom, not yet…"**

**The woman sunk, but was happy again in a second for her son.**

"**It's alright, so where is the little…puppet?"**

"**He and the other 'top' guys left so we could have the place to ourselves."**

**The blond looked away from his mother for a second to see his sister staring at Hidan with lustful eyes.**

"**Mommy, could you maybe go talk to Chiyo baa-chan for a second? Maybe she can get Sasori to propose."**

**Kiribati's eyes lit up as she ran after the old lady with her mind set on marriage. The bomber walked over to try and explain to his sister how she wasn't gonna have any luck with anybody he worked with, especially the Jashinist.**

"**Ebi, can we talk for a second?" Deidara asked, snapping Ebi out of her naughty thoughts.**

"**Sure mud, but tell me something first," She said before looking around and leaning in to whisper to her brother. "Is that guy single?"**

**Deidara dragged Ebi into the corner before explaining things to her.**

"**Ebi, Hidan's gay."**

"**Oh, well maybe I can, you know, change him…"**

"**He's pregnant too."**

"**Damn, well how about the guy with black hair, he was cute."**

"**He's gay too, and he's trying to get pregnant."**

"**Well do you know **_**any**_** single guys?"**

**Deidara had to think, since it seemed the Akatsuki was pairing up pretty quick in the past few months. Then he came up with an evil little plan. Since she'd kind of hit on Sasori during their last meeting, it seemed like a good time for revenge.**

"**Now that you mention it, I know of a single guy, if you hold on a minute I can go get him." Deidara said, before being grabbed in a squeezing hug and having a kiss planted on his forehead.**

"**Thank you thank you thank you! You really don't wanna hear this, but I've been really horny for months!"**

**Oh, this is gonna be good.**

**As soon as he was released he left down the hallway to the corridor containing bedrooms. He entered the room of the Akatsuki member he despised most, ready to get him a date with his sister.**

"**Tobi, would you mind doing a sempai a favor and going out with his sister?"**

"**I dunno sempai, I don't even really like girls."**

"**But she looks a lot like me, what could it hurt?"**

"**Ok Deidara sempai, Tobi will go on a date with your sister."**

**#**

**The boys were doing good at the bar, Sasori and Kakuzu were doing well at holding their booze, Kisame was starting to lose it but was holding up, and Zetsu was facing himself in a drinking contest.**

"_**Come on you pale son of a bitch…Let's go!" **_**Zetsu's black side said, finishing his shot glass and sitting it on the table. **

"**Yeah…that's the same thing I said to your mom last night!" White Zetsu said back, finishing his shot glass.**

"_**That's your mom too idiot…"**_

**Sasori Kakuzu and Kisame were in their own little drinking contest, though it was more of a pissing contest with vodka.**

"**You know Sasori…since you don't have kidneys you don't really have to worry about drinking do you?" Kakuzu asked while being giving another glass of Orloff.**

"**The only thing I have to worry about is taking someone home besides Deidara…" The redhead replied, nursing his drink and looking over at the woozy sharkman.**

"**What're you looking at me for, you think I'm drunk?" He said, receiving nods from the other Akatsuki members as well as the Russians sitting at the bar. "Well I'm not, in fact, I think I'll order something stronger. Hey Yuri!"**

**The bartender approached, using his apron to clean out a glass before leaning in to listen to the sharkman.**

"**I'll have the Gregorochav special."**

**A flurry of gasps filled the room, as everyone dropped what they were doing to look at the blue man.**

"**Tovarish Kisame, you cannot be serious!"**

"**I am, so hurry up!"**

"**Kisame, that's the strongest drink in the tri-country area, it's a proven fact that you can only drink one in your entire lifetime without dieing!" Sasori said as Yuri brought the drink forward. **

"**Good thing this is my first then!" He yelled, grabbing and chugging it.**

**#**

"**Tobi, loose the mask, you'll never impress Ebi unless she knows what you look like." Deidara said as they were about to enter the shower.**

"**Sorry Deidara sempai!" Tobi yelled before tossing the mask off and walking to the taller blond woman.  
**

"**Are you Deidara sempai's sister?"**

**Ebi checked out the shorter black haired man, deeming him worthy.**

"**Yeah, and you are?"**

"**I'm Tobi, Deidara sempai said to-" all of a sudden Tobi collapsed over after having a shoe thrown at the back of his head. "I mean **_**I'd**_** like to go out with you sometime."**

**Ebi cracked an evil little smirk, grabbing the masked nuisance and holding him under her arm as she walked out.**

"**Mom, I'm gonna go ahead and leave, say by to mud for me." Ebi said, receiving a nod as she left.**


	31. Chapter 31

"**And…And that's the first time I met Zabuza…AKA the cleaver wielding Malcolm Young…And we would always make fun of Raiga…AKA the lightning using Gary Glitter…and we'd laugh and laugh and-" Kisame slurred, being carried into the base by Sasori and Kakuzu before puking all over the floor.**

"**Itachi, Come Get Your Seme!" Sasori yelled as Itachi Hidan and Deidara approached.**

"**You guys have fun?" Deidara asked as the weasel grabbed his sharkman and dragged him down the hallway.**

"**It was pretty ok, how was the shower?" Sasori asked as Kakuzu walked off with Hidan and Zetsu sunk into the ground.**

"**It went over good, we got everything we need for the baby, my mom and Chiyo baa-chan got along, plus Tobi should be out of our hair for a while…" Deidara said as they walked back to their room.**

"**What'd you do?"**

"**Nothing, just kinda got him a date with my sister." Deidara replied, not bothering Sasori with the little things like his sister's voracious appetite in bed and how some of her lovers had ended up in the hospital after a night with her.**

"**Ok, so long as nothing happens to the little creep." Sasori replied, confusing his blond.**

"**Why, who cares what happens to him?"**

"**Well even though he's dating Konan, Zetsu still looks out for the little bastard like a son, they're one big fucked up family."**

**Uh-oh. The blond new that if something happened to his annoying little fan now he was in for some deep shit.**

**#**

**Zetsu popped up from the floor in his and Konan's room, seeing the blue haired woman laying in bed and reading.**

"**Hey sexy, **_**how was the party?"**_

"**Pretty nice, no one died even!" She happily replied as Zetsu got in bed and crawled on top of her.**

"**So where was Tobi the whole time, **_**he didn't come with us."**_

"**He was in his room for a while, then Deidara's sister took him."**

"Oh, well going on a date would do him some good." His white side replied with a smile before kissing the origami master's lips.

"**I'm tired Zetsu, is it all right if we just sleep tonight?"**

"**Sure, **_**we're kinda tired too."**_

**Night fell, and the Akatsuki and their semes (except for Itachi and Kisame) all went to bed, unaware of the horror story they were gonna hear in the morning.**

**#**

**It was early morning, but the semes were all eager to get breakfast for their pregnant ukes. Sasori was digging through the fridge while Kakuzu put on a pot of coffee, though they were surprised to see Zetsu.**

"**What're you doing, I figured you'd be in bed with Konan." Sasori said, getting a chuckle from his stitched up friend.**

"**We're not allowed to make her breakfast, she's our girlfriend and boss, **_**it seems like the sensible thing to do."**_** He replied, entering the fridge when Sasori was finished.**

"**Kissass, so you seen Tobi, he's usually all up and excited during the morning." Kakuzu said while pouring Hidan a cup of coffee.**

"**He's not here? **_**Last night he went on a date with Deidara's sister, I figured he would've come back by now."**_

**Suddenly the front door swung open, and a very odd looking Tobi fell in. Zetsu ran over to make sure his old partner was ok, finding the boy in what appeared to be bliss.  
****Despite his cloak hanging open, the red marks all over his neck, the shirt that was clearly Ebi's, and his mask-less state he was smiling, looking up at the plantman.**

"**Hi Zetsu-san, how're you doing?"**

"_**Tobi, what happened, **_**where were you all night?"**

"**Yeah, as soon as Ebi-sempai took me to her house we just had sex until morning, we musta gone through the whole Kama sutra, she even did stuff that wasn't in there!"**

**This got Zetsu's blood boiling, since he now knew that Deidara was behind all of this.**

"_**We're gonna go have a talk with Deidara-sempai, rest up ok?" **_**Zetsu's black side said, having to be the voice of reason since his white side was too angry to talk.**

"**Sure Zetsu-san, I'll just get some sleep here on the floor…"**

**Zetsu sunk into the ground, reemerging in the puppet and bomber's room. Luckily Sasori must not have heard the conversation between him and Tobi, so he didn't rush off to save his blond. It wouldn't have helped anyway, since no one could beat him racing somewhere when he went underground.  
****The blond was laying in bed with his eyes closed listening to his iPod and singing along.**

"_**Geadelt ist wer Schmerzen kennt  
vom Feuer das in Lust verbrennt  
Ein Funkenstoß  
in ihren Schoß  
Ein heißer Schrei**__**..." **_

**Zetsu walked up and tugged the MP3 player out of his hand and tossing it across the room.**

"**Hey, what the hell?!" The blond yelled before realizing that something may have happened to Tobi.**

"**Your sister had fun with Tobi, **_**apparently they covered the entire Kama sutra!!"**_** He yelled, grabbing the bomber by his collar and lifting him up before pushing him up against the wall.**

"**Listen Zetsu…I'm sorry…I didn't know what she'd do!..." He said in between deep breaths. **

"**You consider yourself lucky you're pregnant, otherwise we wouldn't think twice about killing you!" Zetsu said before dropping the blond onto the bed and leaving.**

**#**

**Let's play a little game, the first person who can guess the song Deidara was singing gets to choose the baby's gender! (No cheating, like using google)**


	32. Chapter 32

**Zetsu reemerged in the living room, finding Tobi still passed out on the floor.**

"_**Poor kid…" **_**His black side said as he picked him up and carried him down the hallway.**

"**Zetsu-san? Are you done talking to Deidara-sempai?" Tobi sleepily asked.**

"**Yeah, we'll take you to your room alright?"**

"**Alright, you know, I really think I like Ebi-sempai…"**

"**Really? **_**All you've done so far is have a lot of sex." **_

"**That reminds me, Ebi-sempai wanted to meet me later."**

"**That woman's an animal, she wants to fuck you again?!"**

"**No Zetsu-san, she wanted to meet me for lunch, she's not crazy!" Tobi yelled as they reached his room.**

"**Alright, alright, **_**see you later Tobi."**_

**The cannibal exited the room, wandering back to his and Konan's room.**

"**You know, maybe we were too hard on Deidara."**

"_**You're right, maybe we should go apologize."**_

**They stopped and entered the bomber's room, though the blond wasn't exactly happy to see him.**

"**G-Get out!!" The panicky blond yelled, reaching into his clay bag.**

"**No, Deidara, we're here to apologize, we're sorry." Zetsu said, sitting on the edge of the blonde's bed.**

"**Alright, keep going." Deidara replied, easing up on him.**

"**It just really pisses us off that everyone messes with Tobi, we've always been there for him. When he first told us about Ebi we took it the wrong way, and we're sorry about that, **_**but we just want to look out for the kid."**_

"**Alright, but in my defense I was trying to mess with my sister, not Tobi."**

"**Yeah, kinda weird how much sex they had, **_**can you even imagine Tobi having sex?"**_

"**Seriously, well apology accepted, Konan's probably waiting on you."**

"_**Yeah, **_**see you." The plantman said before leaving.**

**He continued down the hall to his and Konan's room, finding the slightly agitated blue haired woman in bed.**

"**Where've you been?"**

"**Sorry, stuff involving Tobi, **_**at least we're here."**_

"**Tobi, pregnant boss/girlfriend, hmm, I can see you're conundrum."**

"**Come on," He said, crawling in bed and onto the woman. "Can't you let it go, **_**just for us?"**_

"**Well alright, I've got a new mission for you anyway."**

"**Really, what kind of mission Konan-sama?"**

"**A special 'x' ranked mission, the best part is you don't even have to leave bed, unless you want to of course."**

**#**

"**Dei, I brought you some breakfast." Sasori said, walking into his and the bombers room.**

"**Thanks danna." **

"**Tobi showed up, looked like one helluva date."**

"**Yeah, Zetsu showed up and talked to me, we're not supposed to mess with him anymore."**

"**Damn, but oh well, in a couple months you won't be pregnant anymore and we'll have our own little heir." The puppet replied as the two began cuddling. "What's wrong, you seem stressed?"**

"**Nothing, Zetsu was a little angry at me earlier but I'm fine."**

"**Hmm, you want me to kick his ass for you hon?"**

"**No thanks danna, we made up. I love you."**

"**I love you too Dei." The puppet leaned in towards the blond, burying his head in the yellow locks. "Your hair smells good, and you haven't even washed it yet."**

"**You know danna, we could always go and wash it together." Deidara replied, intriguing his seme.**

"**What happened to no sex you perv?"**

"**Taking a shower together doesn't necessarily mean sex danna, now come on." Deidara replied, getting out of bed with his danna following close behind.**

**They entered into their bathroom, Deidara leaning into the shower and turning it on before feeling his danna's hands wrapped him.**

"**Dei…let me see you stripped." He said before latching onto the blonde's neck.**

"**Feeling like Sehnsucht(1), huh danna?" Deidara replied, starting to undo his cloak.**

"**No, just the Australian version Dei."**

"**Whatever danna, just keep that up and you'll get you wish." **

**The puppet continued sucking the blonde's neck and licking the red marks he was making as Deidara undid his pants and kicked them off.**

"**Hold on a second…I've gotta finish getting undressed…" Deidara moaned as Sasori let go of him.**

**He tossed off his cloak and shirt, turning to face Sasori and grabbing him around the waist.**

"**Let me undress you danna, please?" Deidara asked, getting a smirk for the blond.**

"**You kinky little bastard, go ahead."**

**Deidara slowly began undoing the puppet's cloak, letting it hang open before undoing his pants.**

"**Such a bulge, and we haven't even done anything yet danna." Deidara said, pulling off the redhead's boxers and grabbing his seme's member. "Would you like me to take care of it?"**

"**Dei…can't you wait till we're in the shower?" Sasori groaned as Deidara ran his finger over the head.**

**Of coarse he wasn't gonna make his danna come before the shower, but this was too good to stop. The way he was driving Sasori crazy, this was probably never gonna happen again, so would you stop?  
****Didn't think so.  
****At this point Sasori was leaning against the door, arching his back as Deidara was stroking his member, using his other hand to continue playing with the head.**

"**Fuck!...Dei quit it…I'm almost there!" Sasori groaned as Deidara pulled off.**

"**To the shower danna?" Deidara asked, pulling off his boxers.**

"**I thought you'd never ask." The redhead replied, taking the blonde's hand, back in his cool demeanor.**

**Deidara grabbed the puppet's other hand as they entered the shower. As soon as they could feel the hot water against them they met in a long kiss, grabbing onto each others waists.**

"**Danna, wash my hair."**

"**What, why do you want me to wash your hair?" Sasori asked, a tad confused.**

"**I undressed you, and you liked that didn't you?"**

"**I guess, I liked the part afterwards more."**

"**Well I'll like this, and I may like the part after more." Deidara finished, spinning around so his back was to Sasori.**

**Sasori put on a little smile before grabbing Deidara's shampoo bottle and squeezing some into his hand before massaging it into his blonde's scalp.**

"**See danna, it's not that bad." Deidara tauntingly said as Sasori continued washing.**

"**I guess not Dei." Sasori replied, pulling Deidara's head back and letting his hair rinse while sliding his hands down his chest and to his groin. "Now maybe we can start part two?"**

**Deidara grabbed the puppet's hands in protest, confusing the redhead.**

"**You think I get my hair this pretty with just shampoo? Conditioner danna, then you can do whatever you want with me."**

**Sasori rolled his eyes, but was still just as eager to put the bomber through the same thing he went through.  
****He grabbed the blonde's conditioner and massaged it into his scalp, pulling his hands through the long hair.**

"**Now can I play?" Sasori asked, turning the blonde around to face him.**

"**If you kiss me first."**

**#**

**(1) – "Sehnsucht" for those who don't know is Rammstein's second album, and on the Australian version, which I own, they did a cover of the Depeche Mode song "Stripped" (Damn Aussies cheated me out of the English version of Engel!)**


	33. Chapter 33

"**Well Dei, only about a week or so left, we've got everything we need, are you ready?" Sasori asked as he sat with the blond in his lap.**

"**My back and feet hurt constantly, I'm really fat, yeah danna, I'm pretty sure I want her out of me." The blond replied, putting a smirk/smile hybrid on the puppet's face.**

"**So now it's a she again?"**

"**She's in me, she's whatever I (or the song contest winner, ToboeDeidaraLover) want." Deidara replied, obviously not thinking straight.**

"**Um…that's not how it works Dei, but what the hell." **

"**So danna, when I have our kid that means that Hidan will be in his fifth week. So he's probably going through all kinds of hell right now!"**

**#**

"**Jashin fucking dammit Kakuzu, I thought I fucking told you to install a stupid fucking hot tub!!" Hidan yelled while laying in bed.**

"**Hidan, you told me to bake you cookies! You didn't say a damned thing about a hot tub!" Kakuzu yelled back before having to dodge said plateful of cookies.**

"**Those weren't cookies! That was pity! I don't need your damned pity!" Hidan yelled before being wrapped up in Kakuzu's thread.**

"**Listen here you selfish bastard, I know you're having mood swings and are emotional, but learn to ease up on me, I'm not your fucking slave!"**

**They angrily stared at each other a moment in awkward silence, before Kakuzu ripped his mask off and forced a kiss onto the younger immortal. **

"**You wanna fuck me Kakuzu?" Hidan asked as the tentacles retracted.**

"**You aren't worried about our kid?" Kakuzu asked, starting to undo his cloak.**

"**You dumbass, we're both immortal, pretty sure our kid's gonna inherit it." He replied, the ex-Taki nin restarting the kiss.**

"**Kakuzu…I'm sorry for being such a fucking ass…" Hidan moaned as Kakuzu began kissing his neck.**

"**Speaking of fucking ass…" Kakuzu said, ripping the Jashinist's cloak off and reaching for his pants, "I think we've had plenty enough foreplay."**

**Now Hidan was a masochist, so weather or not to use lube was always up to Kakuzu, who would always just decide based on how much time they had. They did have the time, but Kakuzu was impatient, so no lube, unless of coarse Hidan really wanted it.**

"**Wait, Kuzu…" Hidan muttered, The stitched old man stopping, "Can I suck your cock? So it's not too rough on me?"**

**Was it humanly possible to say no?**

"**Uhh…sure, go ahead." Kakuzu said, leaning back and letting his silver haired uke undo his cloak and pants.**

"**Jashin damn, you got a big cock!" He said as he began licking Kakuzu's length, soon sucking on the head and running his tongue around it.**

"**Fuck Hidan, hurry up…" Kakuzu groaned as Hidan took the whole thing into his mouth.**

**Hidan pulled off, staring at the saliva covered rod and laying on his back. Kakuzu got back up, slowly pushing into the younger immortal and slowly going in and out.**

"**Kakuzu, hurry up and find- FUCK!! Fuck go harder!!" He yelled, the banker listening and plowing into him harder, ruthlessly hitting Hidan's prostate each time.**

"**Ahh, deeper you son of a bitch, deeper!!"**

"**Shut the fuck up Hidan!" Kakuzu groaned, suddenly gaining speed.**

**He knew he wasn't gonna last much longer, which caused a kinky little idea to pop into his head. He pulled out of his pregnant lover, exploding come all over his stomach and chest.**

"**Come-soaked and pregnant, who would've fuckin' thought it, huh Kuzu?" Hidan asked as his seme crawled on him and began licking off the come. **

"**Hey, I never figured I'd be licking my own come off of the man who was carrying my child."**

"**That is kinda weird, why are you licking up your own come?"**

"**I dunno, just like how I taste I guess." **

**#**

"**Konan, **_**I don't really think we can hide your pregnancy much longer." **_**Zetsu said, holding her around the waist while standing behind her.**

"**I have gotten kinda big, I guess we can afford to tell them, we've only got about four months left anyway."**

**Konan sent Zetsu out to tell everyone about the newest meeting. He completed his job with ease, going underground room to room and still being the first to show up back in the office. Soon enough the others all showed up, except for Tobi.**

"**Ok, where's Tobi?"**

"**No one gives a shit Konan-**_**sama**_**, now hurry up with your point!" Hidan yelled, Kakuzu not taking his normal place in stopping him.**

"**Sorry Konan-sama, Tobi's on a date with my sister right now." Deidara said.**

"**Well then, Zetsu and I have very important news, you see, we've been keeping a little secret from the rest of you, I'm…pregnant."  
**

"**WHAT?!" Itachi yelled, grabbing Kisame by the hand and dragging him out of the room.**

"**Itachi, where are we going??" Kisame asked, when he realized they were in the hallway with the bedrooms.**

"**I am not gonna be the only uke here without a baby, we've been together longer than all of them!!" He replied as they entered Sasori and Deidara's room.**

"**Itachi, I don't think this is the best way to-" Kisame said before being pushed onto the bed.**

**He watched as Itachi began sucking three of his fingers before pulling his pants off and using them to lube himself.**

"**Itachi, you can't be serious!" Kisame yelled as the angry looking weasel walked up to him and undid his pants, pulling out his blue member and stroking it until it was hard.**

**Itachi climbed on top of Kisame and lowered himself onto the sharkman's erection, bouncing up and down on it in a strict attempt to get pregnant. Of coarse, no matter how bad he wanted a baby Kisame's fish stick wasn't gonna stop from pleasing him.**

"**Uhh…Kisame…fuck!…" Itachi moaned, starting to bounce faster in the blue Che's lap.**

**Kisame reached up and began stroking Itachi's hardened cock, both he and his raven haired uke finding their release.**

"**Oh fuck Kisame, now I'm pregnant, we're finally pregnant!!" He yelled, jumping out of his lap and onto his chest.**


	34. Chapter 34

"**I don't see why I have to give you a handjob, Dei." Sasori said, on his knees stroking the blonde's cock.**

"**Well since I'm having the baby tomorrow we won't have any really good sex in a while danna."**

"**Then why aren't we having sex, like a sixty-nine or something?"**

"**I dunno dannaaaaa!!" Deidara moaned, finishing all over Sasori's face.**

"**Well this is wonderful." Sasori said, getting up and laying on Deidara. "Lick it off."**

"**What?! Eww, no danna!" Deidara replied, shocked at his danna's pervyness.**

"**Come on, it won't be too bad, you'd know that come tastes ok if you went down on me more."**

"**It's not that danna, I like come, specifically **_**your**_** come, not mine, that's just weird."**

"**Fine then, then you can give me a handjob and let me come on your face." Sasori said, rolling off of Deidara and letting the blond on top of him.**

"**You're a real a-hole, you know that danna?" He said, smiling as he pulled Sasori's love organ out and began pumping.**

"**And yet you love me." Sasori replied as the blond picked up speed.**

**#**

"**Fuck Kuzu, I...uh…" Hidan muttered while laying on his back on top of Kakuzu.**

"**What hon, something wrong?" Kakuzu asked back.**

"**Nothing really, I just wanted to say fuck and couldn't think of anything to put after it."**

"**You dumb son of a bitch." Kakuzu giggled while wrapping his arms around Hidan's bulge (stomach, you pervs.)**

"**Fuck you too, you sexy pile of string."**

"**You know Hidan, we could get you that sonogram now." Kakuzu said, pulling off his mask and leaning up to kiss the immortal's neck.**

"**Nuhh…Why not Kuzu…" Hidan moaned.**

"**Well it's gonna be hard for me to get it until you get your fat ass off of me." Kakuzu said, carefully lifting Hidan off of him**

"**I hate it when you do that you know." Hidan said, unbuttoning the rest of his cloak.**

"**Do what?" Kakuzu replied, walking back with a small scroll.**

"**When you're being all nice and mushy to me then turn around and insult me, it makes me think you don't fuckin' care."**

**Kakuzu leaned in and gently kissed Hidan, pulling off after a few seconds and leaving a small blush on the younger immortal's face. **

"**Hidan, I don't care about anyone or anything but you."**

"**E-Even money?"**

"**Fuck money." Kakuzu said as he and Hidan smiled at each other.**

"**You know what we should do Kuzu?"**

"**What?"**

"**We should totally get..."**

**#**

"**You think Sasori and Deidara are pissed at us?" Konan asked her cannibal lover while leaning back in her office chair.**

"_**Who gives a fuck?**_** You're still their leader, besides the fact it's not our fault Itachi and Kisame used their room."**

"**You can always make me feel better Zetsu, I love you."**

"**We love you too Konan-sama."**

"**Zetsu, strip and get on my desk, I wanna look at you naked."**

"**That's…a little weird Konan, **_**but pretty damn cool!"**_

**#**

"**Isn't it great Kisame-kun!?" Itachi happily squealed hunched over the toilet as the blue man held his hair back.**

"**Morning sickness, how great, I'm so jealous."**

"**Don't be such a jerk Kisame, I'm just happy I'm preg-" Itachi said before retching again.**

"**I read that this'll last a while, you gonna be ok?"**

"**I'm havin' me a baby Kisame, I'm perfect!" Itachi squealed again, pouncing on his blue lover.**

"**Itachi, get off, you're gonna get puke all over my cloak!"**

"**Who cares Kisame, we're gonna have a baby!"**

**#**

"**Dei, come on get up." Sasori said, nudging the blond awake.**

"**Danna…do we have to do it so early?"**

"**Dei, this is our baby, aren't you excited?!"**

"**Well yeah danna, but you know that nothing excites me this early." Deidara replied, slowly sitting up.**

"**Now, do you want something to dull the pain or knock you out?"**

"**I wanna be awake, give me something to numb it."**

**Sasori nodded and got up, walking to his work desk and grabbing a scroll from it. He flipped it open, making the correct handsigns as a large collection of jars containing different colored liquids appeared. He grabbed one with a light blue content and brought it over.**

"**Here, breath this for a little bit." He said, handing the jar to the blond. "I'm not saying you'll be pain-free, but it'll minimize it."**

"**Alright danna." Deidara replied, opening the jar and sniffing a little, trying to figure out what it would be like.**

**It's color barely described it, it smelled rusty and misty and coppery, like a mix of rain and blood.**

"**What is this danna?" Deidara asked, taking in deep breaths of it.**

"**It was supposed to be a neuro toxin, but it was one of my first so it ended up being an extra-strength pain killer."**

"**Oh, alright danna." **

**Deidara began feeling woozy and handed Sasori back the jar, who put it back with the others and sealed them back up.**

"**Danna…I feel weird…"**

"**That's part of how it works Dei, now let's get you to the infirmary." Sasori said, lifting the blond up bridal style.**

"**You gotta let me into that stuff more often danna…"**

"**Of coarse I do Dei."**

**Once they began into the hallway they ran into Konan, who was more than a little confused as to what they were doing.**

"**Sasori, Deidara, are you two going to have the baby?"**

"**Yeah," Sasori replied as Deidara wriggled around in his arms. "Could you get Kakuzu for us?"**

"**Sure, I'll get all the others too." She replied, taking off down the hallway.**

**Sasori carried his blond down the hallway, pushing through the doors and walking to the counter.**

"**I'll need a wheelchair and a room opened up, Deidara needs a c-section."**

**The nurse nodded and walked into the back, bringing a wheelchair to them. Sasori slowly lowered his love into the chair, turning around and pushing him into the back with the nurse at his side.**

"**Do you want us to give him anything?" The nurse asked.**

"**I've already given him something, we just need a bed opened up."**

"**You shouldn't have done that you know, we have plenty of safe painkillers and anesthetics." **

"**What I used was perfectly safe. I don't need some failed medic nin to tell me otherwise." **

**Sasori slowly lifted the blond from the chair and laid him on the bed as a new nurse came in. She began hooking him up to different machines. Sasori walked to the sink and washed his hands before putting on a surgical mask and walking back over.**

"**We can start when Kakuzu gets here, are you still alright?" Sasori asked.**

"**Yeah danna…but I didn't know that you were gonna do this."**

"**Would you rather have someone else do it? I am the most qualified."**

"**No danna, I've never let anyone in me before, why change that now." **

**#**

"**Danna…that kinda hurts…" Deidara groaned as Sasori cut him open.**

"**It's alright Dei, this'll be over soon and we'll have our baby."**

"**Sasori, cut the cord and we can get him." Kakuzu said, ready to sew the blond up and get back to Hidan.**

**Deidara watched as Sasori leant in and felt as he cut him up some more. after a few seconds the redhead reemerged holding their newborn.**

"**I'm sorry…"**

"**W-Why danna?! What's wrong?!" Deidara franticly asked as the puppet lowered his mask, revealing a smile.**

"**Not you Dei, I was apologizing to Shiore since Kakuzu called her a he."**

**#**

**Should only be about one chapter left, hope you've had fun!**


	35. Epilogue

"**Danna, hold Shiore for a second so I can get the camera!" Deidara happily said, handing the two month old to the redhead.**

"**I could've gotten the camera Dei, you didn't need to bother her." Sasori replied, rocking the infant back to the sleep Deidara had taken her from.**

"**You barely spend any time with her danna, I mean she looks just like you."**

"**I spend time with her Dei, just at night when she's crying and you don't wanna wake up. By the way, she doesn't look just like me, she's got your eyes hair and hand mouths." Sasori replied as one of the said hand mouths bit onto his finger.**

**Deidara turned around, eyes big and shiny as he began taking a flurry of pictures.**

"**OMG Danna, That Is So Cute!!"**

"**Take your time Dei, she doesn't seem to want to stop." Sasori replied as Deidara got in closer.**

"**Itachi is gonna be **_**so**_** jealous, this is f-ing adorable!!" Deidara quietly squealed. "I gotta go print these, put her down for her nap please?"**

**Sasori nodded and walked over to his daughter's crib, slowly lowering her down and walking over to his blond.**

"**You really took all those just to mess with Itachi?" The puppet asked, wrapping his arms around Deidara's new slimmer figure and nuzzling into his neck.**

"**Maybe, I'm gonna keep a couple Danna." The blond replied, starting to get that old familiar feeling back, the one he got below the belt when Sasori held him around the waist.**

"**You know we can't do anything since the baby's in here…" Deidara said as Sasori slid his hands into Deidara's shirt and lightly traced the stretch marks he gained.**

"**Don't worry Dei, I wasn't gonna try anything. You know, it's amazing the c-section didn't leave a scar."**

"**Thanks, and I think it had something to do with Kakuzu's thread. Speaking of Kakuzu, do you know what Hidan's having yet?"**

"**I think he said it'll be a boy." Sasori answered, pulling his hands out of the bomber's shirt and lifting them up to his chest.**

"**Lovely, He'd better stay away from our daughter."**

"**And I hope you don't mind, but I'm letting him use the name Tsuba."**

"**Why not, we'll probably never have another. What about Konan, did she get a sonogram yet?"**

"**Yeah, it turns out that she's having a boy too."**

"**Danna, if their kid ends up like Zetsu I will personally hook Shiore up with Hidan's kid." **

"**So quick to judge Dei, love works in mysterious ways, nothing is gonna stop Shiore from loving whoever she wants, not you, not me, not anyone, it's just how love works."**

**#**

**Gimme an O!! Alright, that probably won't work, so I'll just say it:  
It's over, done, kaput, no more, another word that means over. It's been a good ride, but it's finally come to a halt. This wouldn't of been possible without the love from my readers and reviewers, because without you I wouldn't have had the desire to actually finish this. On the bright side I can finally tally the votes on Three New Stories, so go and vote if you haven't yet!**


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